Locus of Control

We all like control. 

It gets dangerous when we:

• Try to control others

• Try to control our feelings

The craziness that bubbles up when we try, causes much pain. Pain that is unavoidable. We have a choice in our locus of control. 

External Locus: The world and other people “happen to me”

Internal Locus: The world and other people “happen for me”

A dirty example of external locus of control is the shame grab. A shame grab is an effort to control others through a shaming ultimatum. 

“You are the reason for my misery. The anxiety that comes up in me is caused by being around you. I can’t be the person God wants me to be while I’m in a relationship with you. So goodbye.” (based on a true story)