Winning
The price of winning is high. The problem with winning is that it takes a variety of effort. Some people “have it” and some people don’t. What do they have exactly? Natural talent… luck maybe?
It can be disheartening watching those around you seemingly win with ease. Sometimes you aren’t seeing all the hard work they did and sometimes they did zero work and end up looking like a shiny penny.
Most of the problem is our short sided comparison. Your thin definition of winning is not the whole picture.
It’s worth remembering you are running your own race. A race designed to make you a better person with just the right amount of suffering and breakthroughs.
So take heart, stop comparing, work your butt off, and mind your own bobber.
Hard on the Herd
The common denominator of the herd mentality is aligned emotion. You hear of something you love or hate and it evokes emotion then you jump on the bandwagon complete with the herd handbook of emotion based claims. If you disagree or challenge the herd you will be an instant outcast.
We are all part of herds but its worth your time to critically think about why. Most herds don’t emerge from reason. There are no herds, for instance, that use the scientific method to establish their group. Herds are rarely up for a good rational debate because their ideas are brittle... They seem to be mentally infected with a pathogen that keeps them from the pursuit of truth (hat tip Gaad Saad’s Parasitic Mind). They usually resort to name calling when their argument falls short.
Parting thought: You know you’re closer to the truth when the herd starts attacking comedians. The funny thing about any joke is the TRUE part and that can be hard on the herd.
Free Will
It’s a complicated notion. We have autonomy to set goals (or not), make plans (or not), work hard (or not), and be kind (or not). We have a choice.
But… if God is in control, what’s the point? If he already knows what the outcome is, why does it matter what we choose to do? Is that really free will?
For some reason, as a self reliant, bootstrap culture we set up a binary framework. Either we have free will or God is in control of the outcome.
It’s hard to fathom. Major atrocities, deep suffering, and evil acts are all a part of God’s plan? Really? As humans we want control and we want things to make sense. We claim to have a clear picture of what justice is and it’s violated constantly. Why would God do this?
What if free will and God’s sovereignty co-exist? We choose our plans yet God is in control of the steps.
Is it possible that all of our choices matter but don’t determine the future? Yes.
Hat Tip to T. Keller
No Foolin’
Happy Thanksgiving!
May God bless your time with family and friends. I pray that you have meaningful conversations and heartfelt connections with the ones you love most.
Pro Tip: Be kind and avoid politics. (Unless you have 100% consensus then it can be fun for a bit) No gloating allowed because you aren’t a jerk.
"A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation is heavier than both." Prov 27:3
No foolin’…
Internal Chit-Chat
We all have all kinds of narratives running through our heads. Some of us would go straight to jail if it was broadcasted on a jumbo-tron :) The things that swim around between our ears have a bigger impact than you might think.
It can tell you you’re not doing it right.
It can tell you you’re not gonna make it.
It can tell you she doesn’t love you anymore.
It can tell you you’ll be broke in six months.
It can tell you you’re too fat or not strong enough.
It can tell you you’re falling short on your goals.
It can TELL you a bunch of things that aren’t helpful. You can’t necessarily stop your internal chit-chat but you can override it.
How?
Talk to yourself… don’t listen to yourself.
Over Study?
Sometimes there is too much study and not enough action. Jumping to action too soon will bite you. The question is, how big is the bite?
If the bite is non fatal it might be a better play. A better play because it provides feedback that ‘study’ will not give you. Over focusing on not getting bit will keep you stuck. There is nothing wrong with hedging but standing still can make it worse because you don’t know what you don’t know.
If you spend too much time studying what might be rustling in the bush behind you...you’ll likely get eaten.
Internal “Yes Man”
Bias can bite. It is especially ferocious when making decisions. If you are a leader with grey hair it can be extra problematic because you’ve likely burned some pet hueretics into your hard drive.
Your internal bias can thwart your ability to ask the right questions. The wrong ones will mislead you and put you on a less optimal path.
The facts can be hidden by your own bias. Your personal perspective can make you way too certain and cause you to miss alternative solutions.
Avoid acquiessing to your internal “yes man”.
The label on the box is hard to read from the inside.
You Happy?
It seems universally true that we all seek to be happy. The pain comes when we try to make it stay.
Happiness comes and goes…grip it too tight and it slips away.
Deep down inside we know the door will close but we try to make it last forever.
Happiness is elusive by divine design. It gives us little snapshots into Heaven. The door cracks…we see it, we feel it, and we never want it to end.
The better play is to increase the surface area for happiness to land, enjoy it, then allow it to take off again. Things will go haywire if you interfere.
There is nothing wrong with chasing happiness just as long as you know it will never satisfy. That’s reserved for eternity with your maker.
Free Speech
Saying whatever you want to say has consequences. The source and nature of the consequences matter.
If you tell TSA you have a bomb they will likely detain you and not let you fly for a while. Seems reasonable.
If you say gender is not on a spectrum… you might be labeled and/or accused of hate speech (whatever that means).
What if you say things that are disagreeable to a certain group of people and get canceled for it?
Getting canceled by a group is a sign. A sign of profound weakness and insecurity. Being unwilling to have a debate about something could also be classified as extreme ego or laziness. In many cases you’ll know you’re right when the attacks become personal.
Allowing groups to control what you say is a steep glide path to the ground.
“Walk softly and carry a big stick.” - T. Roosevelt
The rest of your freedoms count on it.
Not Sorry
When someone is offended, do you apologize?
An automatic sorry can be a lazy response. Many people are looking for ways to be offended. Especially by a rich white guy.
When you’re a prideful jerk, say you're sorry. Be kind.
On the other hand… don’t placate someone against your core value structure. It’s disingenuous and unloving.
Here is a useful filter to apply to what you’ve said:
Was my pride a factor?
Did I violate my values?
Hate AI?
If robots are taking money out of your pocket don’t stand still and don’t complain.
The world is changing and in the big picture it’s nothing new.
Companies are leveraging robots to improve the bottom line. They follow protocol precisely and work around the clock. They don’t complain, make fewer mistakes, and don’t ask for PTO.
If you own a burger joint and you got sued because someone burned themselves in the hot grease you have a decision to make. Fool me once.
You can fight robots all you want but going on strike is a waste of energy.
If robots can do it better, let them.
Negative Feelings
We all have negative feelings.
The normal reaction is to avoid them by suppressing, ignoring, or numbing.
People say “just let it go” but the feelings come sneaking back every time.
So now what?
A good step is to evaluate what’s up stream. The feelings are typically a result of a circumstance. But more importantly, your perspective.
Maybe a better approach is to take a closer look at the outcome you expect. Does the pain come from a beloved result you are overly attached to?
Letting go of your emotions is fragile.
Letting go of your cherished outcome is durable.
Safety First
Is safety supposed to be first? Should it always be the priority?
When was the last time you were afraid?
When was the last time you actively chose to do something that might harm you?
Subjecting yourself to fear, even if calculated, is a valuable tool to keep things in perspective. The world is full of comfort and even more full of noise.
Nothing narrows your focus, gets your attention, or forces the present moment on you more thoroughly than a little danger.
Safety is important and there are many things out there that will produce valuable cognitive benefits without risking your life.
Next time something scares you in business… remember, you’re not going to die from it.
Pro Tip: Avoid things that can kill you because someone else isn’t paying attention.
Nice Guy
I think we are all nice people, nice as long as the circumstances are copacetic.
If this is true, and the goal is to be nice you would do your best to avoid circumstances that threaten your nice environment… that way you can keep your niceness sharp.
Should “nice” be the goal?
Not sure being known as a “nice guy” is that useful.
If I’m being attacked and I know you’re a nice person I would probably not ask for your help. I would look for someone with an edge and a healthy dose of agency. Someone who doesn’t go along to get along. Someone who has clear boundaries, a firm handshake, and believes in absolute truth.
If things hit the fan you’ll call the man’s man every time. Nice guys are hard to trust.
Attribution
When things are rockin along it’s hard to think about attribution.
Why are things going well? Giving yourself credit is a natural move and a thin view of reality.
If something is selling like crazy you’re brilliant… end of story (at least your version.)
Always look for the why behind success beyond the surface. Don’t allow curiosity to fade when you’re doing well or your success will likely evaporate.
Warning: Don’t confuse correlation with cause.
PS: Thanks for reading and all your replies, I LOVE the interaction. For the record, this blog only goes to my friends and if you reply it comes straight to my inbox. I value your opinion and anytime I’m off base lmk. Honest feedback… negative or positive is a gift :)
Bad Stuff Happens
Why are we surprised when bad things happen to good people? The hero’s journey portrays the protagonist in a struggle, discovers a guide, and has success in the end. Most stories follow this arc. When things don’t go as they “ought to,” we get frustrated.
I worked hard and did it with integrity… why is it failing?
I eat clean, exercise and I’m still sick? What gives?
I’m kind to my neighbor, why am I being attacked?
We are also surprised when good things happen to dirtbags. They cheated the system and doubled their profit!
Trying to make sense of why things happen that don’t reconcile is a waste.
We are not meant to fully understand God’s ways.
Emotional Decisions
It’s easy to make an emotional decision. My guess is most of them don’t turn out that great. Allowing your emotions to decide is a quicker path than actually thinking.
Thinking through things takes effort and awareness. Awareness of the difference between emotion and logic.
Emotions play a part but the “golden gut” will bite you if you don’t employ logic.
If you’ve made your share of mistakes you should be able to extract a good decision through a balance of emotion and logic.
For those of you who want to make the perfect decision… not deciding IS a decision.
Speak Your Mind
Our minds are full of thought. We are told to speak our minds, find our voice, or be authentic. Seems like good advice.
It gets tricky when people are involved. Swayed by resentments, bias observations, or any number of unchecked emotions cause serious deviations from reality.
Speaking “our truth” is rarely “the truth.”
Don’t lie, but also don’t say everything you think.
The Grass is Greener
I often think I’m in the wrong business when I see some other model making money hand over fist with such ease.
Some days the grass is greener everywhere I look. Did I go down the wrong path? Why does this have to be so hard? Did I wait too long to pivot?
Comparing your uphill slugfest with their season of success is short-sided at best. It’s no different than comparing your worst day at the office to someone’s success on IG.
Don’t forget… it’s the sh*t that makes the grass green.
Use it Or…
Anyone over thirty knows that if you don’t use it, you lose it. A micro example is when you sit at your desk for a few hours and then stand up suddenly. Things are a little stiff from not moving. A macro example is when a neighborhood kid challenges you to a foot race. What could go wrong?
Your body starts to break down and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So why bother? Most sedentary behavior stems from this type of mindset. The result is not being able to wrestle with your grandkids.
Yeah but I don’t have time, I’m not flexible, my knee, my back, my…
Excuses will keep you from being ready.
We all have limitations and dancing with them is the key to reducing the delta. The delta between not using it and losing it.
God gave you mind and body.
Disrespecting the gift will cost you.