Ruminate
Where you are treated like crap there is a residue. It’s like a greasy film that can dull the shine we had moments ago.
It’s worth noting that the pain comes at least twice
Right at the point of the interaction
The instant replay
The instant replay is in the theatre of the mind and doesn’t actually exist. Each time we replay it however, our chest gets tight and our stomach turns. Rumination perpetuates.
Pro Tip: The number of times you revisit the theatre is up to you.
Flittering Around
If you spend time flittering around knocking out a bunch of low calorie tasks it will feel great. It will feel great because you accomplished so much.
The list you made full of low hanging fruit of unimportant things is complete.
It’s worth noticing the long list of low calorie tasks will yield low calorie outcomes.
Pro Tip: Be mindful of what makes it on your list. Just because you check the box doesn’t mean it matters.
Nothing Nice to Say
Being right and kind at the same time is a struggle. It’s a struggle because the rightness is relieving to our ego. It’s validating to our world view and in our minds, “must be revealed.”
Besides, the truth will set them free. Right?
Allowing your version of “right” to marinate in silence is usually a move you won’t regret. Allowing the silence to re-orient you to a kinder frame will keep you from being an asshole.
Retire?
Is our goal in life to work less? Working hard is hard. Hard makes us grouchy, so logic might tell us if we work less we will be happy.
If the goal is to avoid hard, then what are we left with? We are left with an open feedback loop.
We are hardwired to close loops.
You notice a problem… you work hard to uncover the issues… you grind through all the tests, then… BAM! You find the solution.
Maybe happiness comes from the process of triumph. The elation of a job well done.
Perhaps immersing ourselves in something hard brings more happiness than we might imagine.
Locus of Control
We all like control.
It gets dangerous when we:
Try to control others
Try to control our feelings
The craziness that bubbles up when we try, causes much pain. Pain that is unavoidable. We have a choice in our locus of control.
External Locus: The world and other people “happen to me”
Internal Locus: The world and other people “happen for me”
A dirty example of external locus of control is the shame grab. A shame grab is an effort to control others through a shaming ultimatum.
“You are the reason for my misery. The anxiety that comes up in me is caused by being around you. I can’t be the person God wants me to be while I’m in a relationship with you. So goodbye.” (based on a true story)
The Struggle
People who have sustained “success” are different than those who have sustained “struggle.”
Both have struggles.
The wide spectrum of struggles comes with a wide spectrum of responses. If you find yourself in perpetual struggle, perhaps the best move is to evaluate your response pattern. The struggle is your teacher, not your enemy.
Detailed Sales Guy
The persona that is great at selling usually has:
High social ability
Knows how to influence
Optimistic outlook
Thinks and moves fast
The persona that is not great at selling usually has:
Single task focus
Detailed orientation
Ability to create systems
Awareness of negative reality
If you’re trying to get the sales guy to pay attention to detail, you are making a big mistake. Let him do what only he can… sell.
It’s worth noting that all the money in your bank account can be traced to someone, someone who made a sale.
And…if you’re a detail guy…the sales guy will never succeed without you.
Bored Yet?
We spend a lot of effort avoiding boredom. The feeling of malaise is scary for momentum seekers. To the bigger, better, faster types, standing still feels like a death wish.
A possible growth move for this persona is to allow space. Allow space for nothing. No checking, no tasking, no solving, no moving.
Just stillness in the moment… and then what?
Breathe.
No Motivation?
It turns out we have all the motivation we need.
If this is true, where is it hiding? Why is it so hard to motivate ourselves?
Here’s a cool trick to consider…
Ask yourself: Why might I do x?
Why are these reasons important to me?
What is the 1st step, if any?
If you decide to do this with intention you will uncover your own reasons for moving forward. It’s worth noting that other people’s reasons can keep you stuck.
Don’t Ask
It turns out that the notion “it never hurts to ask” is dead wrong. Asking good questions takes thought, intention, and intelligent curiosity.
Lazy questions are obvious. They are obvious because they open an irrelevant loop or have google-able answers.
Lazy questions are usually short and vague and require 10x the effort to answer than to ask. If you ask lazy questions to a wise man, he will likely:
Ignore you
Avoid interacting with you
Tell you it’s a lazy question
A less wise man will simply resent you and judge you for it.
Pro Tip: Before you ask… get specific on the outcome you are after. Smart questions get smart answers.
The Bird
Think of a bird…
What kind of bird is it?
Is it flying or sitting?
Is it alone or in a flock?
Is the image clear in your mind?
It’s worth noting that your version of the word “bird” is different from anyone else’s. There is an official definition of the word, but an infinite variety of pictures.
Words mean things and it turns out that one of the keys to great relationships is to avoid defending your version.
Parting Thought: If you don’t want to get “the bird”, do more listening than talking.
Don’t Tell a Critic
Picking the right people to share your dreams with is vital to momentum. Let’s suppose your goal is to earn 10k passively every month. Telling a person who works an hourly job is likely going to criticize your strategy.
Your aspirations should be sacred.
Sacred enough to find the right people to vet your ideas.
Find people that already have what you’re after and tell them your strategy. The people that are further down the road will almost never criticize you.
Parting Thought: Your bold moves will always cause discomfort for the critic.
Just Glance
Sitting alone with nothing but pen and paper is not as easy as it sounds. Our internal world can be unsettling and cause a little anxiety. It can seem like a black hole.
Perhaps the better approach is to glance. Glance with curious eyes and record what you see. Do this enough and you will grow into your rarity. The rarity others long for and God pre-installed.
Avoid #1
Imagine having a hierarchy of effectiveness.
1 = Not Important (Easy)
2 = Important (Moderate)
3 = Very Important (Hard)
As humans we like the path of least resistance. We like easy more than hard because hard is.. well, hard. So we start with #1. The problem with #1 is, it’s infinite. It’s infinite because “not important” is easy and obvious.
The more hidden, yet effective, option is #3.
Our natural inclination is to be distracted by the velocity and availability of the unimportant. It lures us in and feels like work.
Pro Tip: The quickest way to nowhere is the path of least resistance. When it gets hard, look for effectiveness.
Picking Tools
Tools can be an invisible time suck. Especially digital tools. Digital tools that promise to save you time or make you money. Who doesn’t want that? So you download the neat tool.
Over time, you have so many tools to check in with, you’ve run out of time to do important work.
Flittering from tool to tool feels productive, but it’s likely a waste.
Pro Tip: Audit your tools and eliminate a couple of them today. They’re likely a distraction to real work that only you can do.
Plane Trance
There is something relaxing about an airplane ride. 30k feet and 500 mph, yet it feels like you’re sitting still. For whatever reason it’s a good time to think.
When you find yourself in a relaxed state, take advantage. Allowing space to journal, read, or think can produce a level of deep work that can straighten the mind.
Don’t be a sucker for frivolous entertainment. It will be there anytime you want it.
Problem With Prodigies
The prodigy is highlighted, celebrated, and admired. Especially the young ones. When we see a snippet of something amazing, our jaw drops and the seed is planted. The seed that provides an excuse to sit still.
“I’m no prodigy so why bother?”
The seed keeps people from intentional practice and deep work.
Pro Tip: The prodigy is an anomaly. Good ol’ fashioned fortitude over time will get you to jaw dropping results.
Serendipity?
“Some people get all the luck.”
At least it seems that way.
Sales people depend on a level of serendipity. “I was at the grocery store and there she was… we chatted in the cereal aisle and I got the deal.”
Figuring out ways to increase serendipity is a complementary tactic to hard work.
Serendipity can go both ways…so be mindful of where you hang out. Make a string of good decisions and the luck will no longer surprise you.
Psuedo Pals
One of the key elements to personal growth is environment. We are faced with ecological decisions that accrue. They accrue to help or hinder.
It turns out people are the most influential element of our ecosystems. The good news is we have a choice.
Pro Tip: Avoid pseudo friends who prioritize niceness and civility over being real… Your growth depends on it.
Hope as Strategy
Ideas and dreams rarely go anywhere for two reasons.
You share them with a skeptic
You don’t take action because of doubt
When you share them with a skeptic it can put a black mark on your hope. Be careful who you spend time with. Skeptics have their place but keep them away from the things you’re hoping for.
Pro Tip: The people that are taking action on their own ideas and dreams will almost always blow wind in your sails. Find them… they are the key to your success.