Negative Feelings

We all have negative feelings.

The normal reaction is to avoid them by suppressing, ignoring, or numbing.

People say “just let it go” but the feelings come sneaking back every time.

So now what?

A good step is to evaluate what’s up stream. The feelings are typically a result of a circumstance. But more importantly, your perspective.

Maybe a better approach is to take a closer look at the outcome you expect. Does the pain come from a beloved result you are overly attached to?

Letting go of your emotions is fragile.

Letting go of your cherished outcome is durable.

Safety First

Is safety supposed to be first? Should it always be the priority?

When was the last time you were afraid?

When was the last time you actively chose to do something that might harm you?

Subjecting yourself to fear, even if calculated, is a valuable tool to keep things in perspective. The world is full of comfort and even more full of noise.

Nothing narrows your focus, gets your attention, or forces the present moment on you more thoroughly than a little danger.

Safety is important and there are many things out there that will produce valuable cognitive benefits without risking your life.

Next time something scares you in business… remember, you’re not going to die from it.

Pro Tip: Avoid things that can kill you because someone else isn’t paying attention.

Nice Guy

I think we are all nice people, nice as long as the circumstances are copacetic.

If this is true, and the goal is to be nice you would do your best to avoid circumstances that threaten your nice environment… that way you can keep your niceness sharp.

Should “nice” be the goal?

Not sure being known as a “nice guy” is that useful.

If I’m being attacked and I know you’re a nice person I would probably not ask for your help. I would look for someone with an edge and a healthy dose of agency. Someone who doesn’t go along to get along. Someone who has clear boundaries, a firm handshake, and believes in absolute truth.

If things hit the fan you’ll call the man’s man every time. Nice guys are hard to trust.

Attribution

When things are rockin along it’s hard to think about attribution.

Why are things going well? Giving yourself credit is a natural move and a thin view of reality.

If something is selling like crazy you’re brilliant… end of story (at least your version.)

Always look for the why behind success beyond the surface. Don’t allow curiosity to fade when you’re doing well or your success will likely evaporate.

Warning: Don’t confuse correlation with cause.

PS: Thanks for reading and all your replies, I LOVE the interaction. For the record, this blog only goes to my friends and if you reply it comes straight to my inbox. I value your opinion and anytime I’m off base lmk. Honest feedback… negative or positive is a gift :)

Bad Stuff Happens

Why are we surprised when bad things happen to good people? The hero’s journey portrays the protagonist in a struggle, discovers a guide, and has success in the end. Most stories follow this arc. When things don’t go as they “ought to,” we get frustrated.

I worked hard and did it with integrity… why is it failing?

I eat clean, exercise and I’m still sick? What gives?

I’m kind to my neighbor, why am I being attacked?

We are also surprised when good things happen to dirtbags. They cheated the system and doubled their profit!

Trying to make sense of why things happen that don’t reconcile is a waste.

We are not meant to fully understand God’s ways.

Emotional Decisions

It’s easy to make an emotional decision. My guess is most of them don’t turn out that great. Allowing your emotions to decide is a quicker path than actually thinking.

Thinking through things takes effort and awareness. Awareness of the difference between emotion and logic.

Emotions play a part but the “golden gut” will bite you if you don’t employ logic.

If you’ve made your share of mistakes you should be able to extract a good decision through a balance of emotion and logic.

For those of you who want to make the perfect decision… not deciding IS a decision.

Speak Your Mind

Our minds are full of thought. We are told to speak our minds, find our voice, or be authentic. Seems like good advice.

It gets tricky when people are involved. Swayed by resentments, bias observations, or any number of unchecked emotions cause serious deviations from reality.

Speaking “our truth” is rarely “the truth.”

Don’t lie, but also don’t say everything you think.

The Grass is Greener

I often think I’m in the wrong business when I see some other model making money hand over fist with such ease.

Some days the grass is greener everywhere I look. Did I go down the wrong path? Why does this have to be so hard? Did I wait too long to pivot?

Comparing your uphill slugfest with their season of success is short-sided at best. It’s no different than comparing your worst day at the office to someone’s success on IG.

Don’t forget… it’s the sh*t that makes the grass green.

Use it Or…

Anyone over thirty knows that if you don’t use it, you lose it. A micro example is when you sit at your desk for a few hours and then stand up suddenly. Things are a little stiff from not moving.  A macro example is when a neighborhood kid challenges you to a foot race. What could go wrong?

Your body starts to break down and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So why bother? Most sedentary behavior stems from this type of mindset. The result is not being able to wrestle with your grandkids.

Yeah but I don’t have time, I’m not flexible, my knee, my back, my… 

Excuses will keep you from being ready.

We all have limitations and dancing with them is the key to reducing the delta. The delta between not using it and losing it.

God gave you mind and body.

Disrespecting the gift will cost you.

Stereotypical

As humans, we put people in categories so we can move on to more important things. That’s why stereotypes are prevalent. The problem is they always have a spec of truth in them. Add a dose of confirmation bias and you are cruising downwind towards folly. The breeze becomes a tornado.

The woman walking down the street clutches her purse when a young tattooed dude walks by. Why? Safety, common sense, fear, stereotypes?

The challenge is we don’t have all the information and we largely don’t want it. We don’t want it because it would take far too much effort to get to the bottom of something that is only marginally important. At least from our POV.

Stereotypes are lazy and convenient. Perhaps the better choice is to give the benefit of the doubt. The truth is complex and if you dismantle every stereotype you have it would take you out of the game.  

The point is to know that they are a short cut and often short circuit reality.  

Sometimes reality is more beautiful than you think.

Legacy

I don’t think leaving a financial legacy should be the goal. Working hard and leaving something to your grandkids is cool but that’s about it.

Do you know your great-great-great-grandfather’s full name? Doubtful.

In the end, you’re gonna die and will be forgotten. If you leave a big pile of money behind, it will eventually end up in a stranger’s hands. What good is that?

All your hard work is either multiplied or wasted.

Why not give most away with a warm hand now instead of a cold hand later?

Hat tip to D. Gibson and Papaw Sleepy.

Lies

When you find yourself hiding things let it be a warning light.  

Spending time concealing, covering up your trail, or distracting is a reason to pause and think. Ask yourself:

1. Why am I hiding?

2. Who am I hiding “x” from?

3. How can I make it right?

Big lies will crush you and little lies will steal your peace. We’re all liars to some degree.  

Sometimes the lies slip out without intention and have to be reeled back. Sometimes we leave things out to get an edge. The key is to keep short accounts and avoid the accruing effect. Rationalizations are a slippery slope that will set you back.

Owning the slip-ups improves your character.

And don’t forget… If you’re not exposed on earth you’ll surely be exposed when you meet your maker.

Workaholic [Lazy]

Isn’t hard work a good thing?

Maybe being a workaholic is actually a form of laziness? Going to work early and staying late seems noble. You’re bringing home the bacon… you’re providing for your family. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?

If you are working your butt off every waking hour how could that be lazy?

It’s lazy because the real work likely revolves around your relationships at home or your fitness.

Being a workaholic is easy.

Hard to Get

Why are things valuable? Diamonds have value because they are scarce-ish. What if we find them on the moon and bring space shuttles full back to Earth? What then?  They are still beautiful, and strong, but are now common. Are they less valuable now?

The economics of price is pretty simple. If it’s scarce it will cost more. Look what COVID did.

The interesting revelation happens only when you get that scarce thing and realize it’s not that valuable after all.

Lean into what your soul deems valuable.

Just because you can’t get it doesn’t make it valuable… it just makes it hard to get.

Hat tip to Rogan…

Reminiscing

There are many windows in our lives of perfect happiness. The vibe was magical the feeling of perfect bliss flowed through your veins.  All of your senses satisfied. We’ve all had them.  Can you think of yours?

The hard part is letting them come and go.  

We think….“It was so perfect… I’ll go back to that beach or that mountain spot in the woods.  I’ll recreate it.  Maybe I should just retire there… live there full time.  Feel the happiness perpetually.”

When we make this mistake we learn the original bliss can’t be repeated.  It always falls short.  Why?

Because it’s a conduit, it’s not the thing itself.  Perhaps it was a vehicle to provide a glimpse of heaven.  A brief portal of what’s to come.  Maybe it’s God’s way of cracking the door to eternity.

Our time here on Earth will never satisfy. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can recreate the feeling.  It won’t work. It won’t work because God wants to make it clear you are just passing through. The lasting bliss is above.

Don’t forget…the one thing for certain is death. You are closer to it now than when you opened this email. 

Have fun, enjoy yourself, and connect with the Creator.

P.S. My favorite song right now

Needs

No one wants to be seen as emotionally needy.  Pull up your big boy pants and get it done yourself. Things could always be worse and…No one is coming.

The problem with emotional needs is we all have them but few are brave enough to identify them much less articulate them.  It’s worth exploring what you need because all sorts of crappy things happen when you have unmet needs.

It actually takes a much bigger man to figure out what you need than to simply “handle it” on your own.

Feeling stuck? Man up and figure out what you need then ASK!  Get the emotional nutrients from a comrade so you can step into who God made you to be instead of playing small via self-reliance.

Here is a list of core emotional needs I learned from J. Townsend:

~Acceptance

~Containment

~Empathy

~Validation

Pro Tip: Be careful who you ask.

Enemies

Sometimes picking an enemy is all the motivation you need. The more spiritual thing to do is to act out of gratitude and love but it doesn’t seem to move the needle immediately. It’s probably better than perpetually throwing darts at your enemy. Aren’t we supposed to love them? Is showing them how wrong they are… loving them?

I think most winners have a clear enemy. Their mission is to prove him wrong, make him eat his words, and bury his doubt in all your success. Mash the gas and don’t look back. I’ll show him!

Think of all the amazing things that have been built, created, or invented in this world because someone said it can’t be done. It’s impossible… you’re wasting your time… you’re just a dreamer.

The winner says: “Hold my beer”

If you don’t have enemies maybe you aren’t polarizing enough with your mission, values, and principles. Maybe you are just too soft?  Too much religious glitter to be a winner?

Maybe, just maybe, one of the most loving things to do is to hustle hard enough until your haters ask if you’re hiring.

Clenched Teeth

Delaying the inevitable helps us pretend.  Pretend that we might not have to do it or maybe…if we wait it will get better.  Sometimes it does but reality has a way of making itself known.  It’s not something you can pretend away.

The interesting outcome is the great feeling you get when you simply execute.  It typically takes less time to move through the pain and it’s far less painful than we imagine. The conversation in your mind is what steals your time.

The key is to monitor the battle your thoughts are having with reality.

The cold water doesn’t get warmer if you ease in on your toes with a big inhale and clenched teeth.

Grudge

Some hold grudges more than others.

A grudge is always less about the offender than the holder of the grudge.  The holder usually defaults to an external locus of control and has an incredible memory.  The grudge is worth nurturing and serves them in some way. At least they think it does.  

As a haphazard forgetful visionary and an armchair psychologist I’ve noticed a pattern. I don’t ever hold grudges and it has nothing to do with some sort of moral ninja skill.  I’m simply forgetful.  I’ve noticed that those who have a steel trap memory also struggle letting things go.

I have 99 problems but grudges are not on the list…or at least that I can remember.

Consequences

Consequences teach us so much.  If something seems a little risky I oftentimes ask myself:

What are the irreversible consequences of this decision?  Am I willing to live with them?

Side Note: I personally believe that you can actually measure intelligence by the response to negative consequences. There are a lot of people out there that seem to ignore them and are procreating at a significant clip.

Most consequences are not reversible…The path you choose afterwards is.

Pro Tip: Always do the next right thing. You won’t mind the consequences.