Expectations

Expectations are worth having.  

Some say lower them to reduce disappointment. If you or they fall short, no biggie. Seems reasonable at first glance but in the end becomes a race to the bottom.

Some say they are fine as long as they are “reasonable.” We all know how subjective “reasonable” can be. Reasonable compared to what?

Having high expectations of others can elevate performance because they don’t want to disappoint. If you know they are people pleasers it makes you manipulative. 

Expectations can be good and bad and are ultimately complicated.

Pro Tip: Be very careful about what you SILENTLY expect of others. 

Uncommunicated expectations are actually premeditated resentments…

Buried

If you feel under the pile there is a pretty cool escape route to try.

Get out pen and paper and write down the immediate truth.  Not what happened or what might happen but what is happening now.  The first step to getting out from under any pile is to know exactly what you are dealing with in the present.

Writing down your current reality removes the power of the past or what might come.  Eliminating things outside the present lightens the pile substantially. 

Don’t let your brain spin up and torture you.  Anxiety is a terrible way to spend your limited energy and wastes precious time you don’t have.

“Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Jesus

Simplify Stupid

I always chuckle at the K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) principle as a little naïve. Tasks are easy to over complicate or over think. You can really look stupid when the simple way is obvious to a bystander.

Keeping it simple in the world of systems, strategies or describing the complex is a completely different story. The amount of effort to simplify is much higher than the complicated way.  

Simplifying is a heroic effort with stacks of iterations and as it turns out, requires a high level of intelligence. Entrepreneurs appreciate what it takes to get there. They see the elegance and dollar signs like no other.

The next time someone has the curse of knowledge and you know you won’t understand half of what they are about to tell you, test their smarts by saying this:

“Before you begin…explain it to me like I’m a 4th grader.”

If they get frustrated, consider it a red flag.

Don’t let laziness, impatience or ignorance stand in the way of simplicity.

Advice on Advice

Giving advice obligates.  It puts the receiver in a precarious spot.  Do I take the advice? Do I blow it off? Do I debate the input?

The advice giver feels confident he’s helping. He’s “been there done that” and allegedly knows what he’s talking about.  

Advice Starts with:

• You should…

• Why don’t you…

• Have you ever thought about…

• You need to…

• Just…

A more generative approach is to hear them out, empathize, and tell a short parallel story. Your input is likely valuable to the situation but how you deliver it matters.

“In my experience…”

“One time I was in a similar situation and…”

Give space for them to arrive at their own answer instead of cornering them with your unsolicited input.

Por Supuesto

Saying “yes” to something is an easy thing to do. Besides, you want to be known as someone who cares, who’s capable, and who is there to serve. No one wants to let the team down or cause things to slow.

At first glance it’s a pretty low calorie commitment load but nested inside the decision is a failure. A failure to recognize the administrative tax. The 6 or 7 back and forth emails on the daily, the follow up, and the so called quick huddles. Your “yes” is much more involved than you thought.

The overhead cost can be high when we say yes. Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes we regret our commitment. As a leader, make sure to insulate yourself from a “yes” that keeps you from your zone of brilliance.  

You have a lane. Stay in it.

You’re Right!

You’ve studied the data, crunched the numbers, checked the budget and now it’s time to decide.  

If you’re right you get the ROI you are looking for. 

If you’re wrong it’s gonna cost you.

A month later you look back at the decision and it was “Right.” You pat yourself on the back, count your money, and are eager to do it again.

This time it’s a bigger play and you’re confident because it worked before. You reconfirm that nothing has changed and execute the proven plan.

A month later your gains dissolved and now you’re in the red. You do your after-action review and make a costly discovery…

You were “Right” for the wrong reasons.

Passive

Most passivity is a result of not thinking your voice can move the needle. What’s the point? Why bother? Mind your own business, live your life, and ignore the moral decline all around you. Let the fools be fools. 

Is that the right thing to do? Finding the balance between a constant complainer and a change agent isn’t easy. Many remain silent because they don’t want to be “That Guy.” 

“That Guy” Who

Is really into politics and constantly gripes

Is super religious and judges to no end

Is willing to argue with a fence post

Is obnoxious and offensive

Passivity might be worse than “That Guy.”

Being passive allows the immoral to accrue and become the norm. Find your voice and use it with Love. Be an example for “That Guy.” Show him there is a better way. The generation behind you has a front row seat wanting you to be the light in the darkness.

Relational Accounting

When you get sidewise with someone there is always an account created.

There are debits and credits. The majority are debits…debits based on assumption, assignment of intent, and quite a bit of speculation. As these entries accrue it puts the relationship in the red.

How does this happen?

1. Fear

2. Indifference

3. Spite

The loving thing to do is to check in. 

Ex. The other day when you said ______ it kinda stung a little. Tell me more about what you meant by that. 

Maybe you were the offender and your conscience starts knocking. Having the courage to circle back is a muscle worth building.

Ex. Yesterday, during the meeting, I made a snide remark aimed at you. Wanted to let you know it was wrong and I’m sorry.

Don’t let it fester. Rumination is a mindset that will ruin your chances of contentment. The longer you wait the worse it gets.  

Keeping short accounts on both sides will make your life much better.

Getting Lucky 🍀

Creating something awesome requires more volume than you might think.  The temptation is do it one time exactly right.  Block off the day and get laser focused on making it as close to perfect as possible.  Maybe you’ll get lucky and end up with something really awesome.

I heard about a research project with some art students.  The three hour class was split in two.

Group 1 was told to each make the best clay pot possible 

Group 2 was told to each make as many clay pots as they could

The first group focused all their time and attention on perfecting their pots. The 2nd group made tons of pots. Some were terrible, some were good, and luckily some were almost perfect.  Through sheer volume Group 2 learned the most and had far superior pots. 

The Lesson? Volume greatly increases the surface area for luck to land.

Comparison Ain’t No Thief

They say comparison is the thief of joy.  I don’t think it’s true.  Comparison is vital to personal growth. If you press the pause button and really think about what steals your joy you’ll discover the real culprit: The negative self-talk…post-comparison.

Here is a low calorie example: 

If you notice someone with good style the comparison can go two ways.

UNO

“I wish I could look that good…he always looks so damn sharp…I hate guys like him.  I always look like a lazy fool in flip-flops.  I dress like I live in my mom’s basement. Besides I don’t have the money or natural sense of style. I’ll always be a frumpy joe-bag-of-doughnuts type. Comparison is the thief of joy so I’m just gonna slip on my camo crocs and keep wearing this ole Cheeto dusted hoody.”

-VS-

DOS

“I really need to up my game.  Who do I know well enough to help me with my wardrobe?  I’m going to go through my closet this week and get rid of the stuff I know won’t cut it.  I’m looking forward to respecting myself more with developing a sense of style.  I bet anyone can learn this stuff and I’m going to commit to paying closer attention to what I wear.”

Comparison is a tricky subject but universally saying that it steals your joy is a copout. 

Pro Tip: Find the right people and compare like crazy.  It will make you better.

Look For It

It’s amazing how you can find what you are looking for.  If you’re lusting after a new truck suddenly the model in your mind's eye starts showing up all over the place.  

If I tell you to find all the round shapes in the room you are sitting in you will likely label anything remotely round…as round.

The same thing happens on an emotional level.  

• If you are naturally a negative leaning person you will easily see things around you that are “wrong” or “not right.”

• If you are easily offended you might be overly attached to some belief.

• If you get angry when something bad happens it might be a confirmation bias response to what you were looking for.

• If you are running late and you think all the people on the road are slow and in the wrong lane I bet you will find what you are looking for.

I’m not a big manifestation guy but you can’t deny some of its validity.

Want to be happier? Less stressed? More at peace?

Notice what is pure, lovely, admirable, and excellent.  It’s more pleasant than being a victim.

The Valley

The hardest part about a valley is that you often don’t see the path out.  It winds left and right with ups and downs.  The ups trick you into believing it might be over and the downs make it feel like it may never end.

The tough part is the work to emerge.  You don’t know what you don’t know and you're having to make decisions with incomplete information.  Sometimes all the work in the world won’t do it and sometimes a little effort changes the landscape quickly.

Will this valley be the last thing in your life?  Is it a blip on the screen? You can guess using past experiences and look for a handle or two to hang on to…but deep down inside you know you don’t know.

Good news is, God does.

Parting Thought: Most valleys have rivers in them…it’s worth finding others to paddle with.

Trapped

The feeling of being trapped is more common than you might think.  Some are trapped in a failing body, a tough job, a business that isn’t panning out or a relationship that isn’t working.  Maybe it’s mediocre success and your soul is itching for more.

Your attitude towards the stuck circumstance is an important component to perseverance.  If you use stuck or trapped language for example, it will likely make it worse.  Assuming you want to be free, your outlook is about the most important thing.  False hopes or aggressive actions aren’t as useful as finding meaning inside the predicament. Reframing the current position and looking for upside to leverage is a pretty useful way to come out on top.

All the people around you feel trapped in some way.  You aren’t alone.

Hate Surprises?

At some point the data has to come out.  Everyone is thinking one thing but the truth is, they are wrong.  Their assumptions or expectations of what was going to happen didn’t.

It’s worth asking yourself, do I really hate surprises or do I hate lack of control?  This type of “surprise” births all sorts of whining and complaining.

Surprises are simply a mismatch of what we expected and what actually happened.  Change is often the lasting consequence of this reality.

“I don’t want any surprises” actually means I don’t want anything to change.  I expect it to happen this way, so don’t disappoint me with anything different. 

Pro Tip: Humility allows space for surprises.  Pride doesn’t.

Sugar-Coated Sin

Trying to do the right thing and putting forth effort to be moral is a worthwhile endeavor.  The swarm of thoughts, hints, and temptations to disregard what you know is right will always be present.  Indulgence is what turns the skies gray.

The push to do the right thing provides quite a bit of clarity. Even when you aren’t successful at every turn.  The effort shines light and teaches you how to do better next time. Two steps forward, one step back is full of upside.

When you slip up, avoid sanitizing your misstep with a virtuous lacquer.  Instead, leave it alone, apologize and don’t do it again.

Truth in Doses

Sometimes the truth hurts.  I used to lie to my kids…sometimes out of laziness and sometimes because it wasn’t appropriate timing.

I often wonder what would happen if I told the truth no matter what.  What would happen if I didn’t soften the blow with omission?  Besides, if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all right?  

If all truth was revealed all at once I would likely curl up in the fetal position and cry uncle.  Maybe this is why kids are kids.  

Maybe God keeps the truth of life from the young as they are starting out or else they would have no heart to start at all.

Hat tip to Cormac McCarthy.

Seeking Credit

Seeking credit is a natural thing.  It’s natural because we want to be recognized, appreciated and valued.

Sometimes this can get a little wonky. Wonky because it takes quite a bit of time to get the credit.  It’s illusive because you are depending on someone else to give it to you.  Grandstanding takes a ton of effort and is mostly a waste.  

Seeking credit might suggest some insecurities.  

Am I enough? 

Will people see my hard work? 

Do I matter?

Once again…your identity really matters more than you might think.  If you are spending a bunch of time and effort making sure people perceive you as a hard worker you are likely not working hard enough. Put your head down and get to work.  

Remember…you can be way more productive if you aren’t seeking credit.

PS: Several of you have asked if I have a writing service create these blog posts.  Nope..it’s just little ole me, no AI, nothing but my pea brain spilling out thoughts as I navigate the world.  *seeking credit 😆

Misunderstood

It’s painful when you are misunderstood.  You want those around you to know your intentions, your heart, and your motivations.  When they make assumptions that are off base it can sting.

The trouble comes when you try to explain yourself.  What if they don’t believe you? What if they doubt your intentions.  Double sting. 

This type of cycle can be brutal on your mental bandwidth.  It’s brutal because you have no control over their beliefs. If you are locked in on “making it right” but the other person has no interest, you will be miserable.

There are really only two elements that can ensure success:

1. Get clear about your identity 

2. Let people be wrong about you

Note: If your identity is not rooted in your Creator your soul will lack peace. 

Sleep Tight

As humans we really like to categorize, organize and label things so they make sense.  It takes a lot of time and effort to get it all straight in our heads.  Countless sleepless nights occur trying to solve the puzzle.

There is value in naming things but it doesn’t get you across the finish line.  We know it’s a bird, we know it’s a raptor, we know it’s a Red Tail Hawk but there is much more.  We only have labels and theories but the Red Tail can never be fully known.

We get a little antsy when things don’t align, compute or make sense.  Even things that aren’t up to us.

Things can simply be observed and get along just fine without our opinion. 

Sleep Tight

PS: Next time it’s bedtime notice all the open loops.  If you want to have a sleepless night…try to close them.

You’re So Basic

Basic is my word for the year. It’s an insult if you’re under 35. 

“You’re so basic” said with a tone of contempt means you're probably being roasted. In the short run, you could be considered basic for ordering a pumpkin spice latte or walking around with a selfie stick.  You would be considered “basic” for being mainstream and unoriginal. Shame.

If you expand the timeline, being basic has its upside.  In the long run, basic refers to things that work and have always worked. 

Like: 

• Writing love notes to your wife

• Reading your Bible every day

• Giving someone a meaningful compliment

• Carrying a handkerchief and offering it to someone who needs it 

• Working hard instead of looking for a hack

• Smiling when you walk into a room

• Early to bed/early to rise

• Exercising and eating right

I’ve been setting aside the basics as being unoriginal, but not this year.  This year will be about getting back to the fundamentals of love, kindness, hard work, and determination.

This year I hope someone accuses me of being basic.  

What’s your word this year?