Sugar-Coated Sin
Trying to do the right thing and putting forth effort to be moral is a worthwhile endeavor. The swarm of thoughts, hints, and temptations to disregard what you know is right will always be present. Indulgence is what turns the skies gray.
The push to do the right thing provides quite a bit of clarity. Even when you aren’t successful at every turn. The effort shines light and teaches you how to do better next time. Two steps forward, one step back is full of upside.
When you slip up, avoid sanitizing your misstep with a virtuous lacquer. Instead, leave it alone, apologize and don’t do it again.
Truth in Doses
Sometimes the truth hurts. I used to lie to my kids…sometimes out of laziness and sometimes because it wasn’t appropriate timing.
I often wonder what would happen if I told the truth no matter what. What would happen if I didn’t soften the blow with omission? Besides, if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say it at all right?
If all truth was revealed all at once I would likely curl up in the fetal position and cry uncle. Maybe this is why kids are kids.
Maybe God keeps the truth of life from the young as they are starting out or else they would have no heart to start at all.
Hat tip to Cormac McCarthy.
Seeking Credit
Seeking credit is a natural thing. It’s natural because we want to be recognized, appreciated and valued.
Sometimes this can get a little wonky. Wonky because it takes quite a bit of time to get the credit. It’s illusive because you are depending on someone else to give it to you. Grandstanding takes a ton of effort and is mostly a waste.
Seeking credit might suggest some insecurities.
Am I enough?
Will people see my hard work?
Do I matter?
Once again…your identity really matters more than you might think. If you are spending a bunch of time and effort making sure people perceive you as a hard worker you are likely not working hard enough. Put your head down and get to work.
Remember…you can be way more productive if you aren’t seeking credit.
PS: Several of you have asked if I have a writing service create these blog posts. Nope..it’s just little ole me, no AI, nothing but my pea brain spilling out thoughts as I navigate the world. *seeking credit 😆
Misunderstood
It’s painful when you are misunderstood. You want those around you to know your intentions, your heart, and your motivations. When they make assumptions that are off base it can sting.
The trouble comes when you try to explain yourself. What if they don’t believe you? What if they doubt your intentions. Double sting.
This type of cycle can be brutal on your mental bandwidth. It’s brutal because you have no control over their beliefs. If you are locked in on “making it right” but the other person has no interest, you will be miserable.
There are really only two elements that can ensure success:
Get clear about your identity
Let people be wrong about you
Note: If your identity is not rooted in your Creator your soul will lack peace.
Sleep Tight
As humans we really like to categorize, organize and label things so they make sense. It takes a lot of time and effort to get it all straight in our heads. Countless sleepless nights occur trying to solve the puzzle.
There is value in naming things but it doesn’t get you across the finish line. We know it’s a bird, we know it’s a raptor, we know it’s a Red Tail Hawk but there is much more. We only have labels and theories but the Red Tail can never be fully known.
We get a little antsy when things don’t align, compute or make sense. Even things that aren’t up to us.
Things can simply be observed and get along just fine without our opinion.
Sleep Tight
PS: Next time it’s bedtime notice all the open loops. If you want to have a sleepless night…try to close them.
You’re So Basic
Basic is my word for the year. It’s an insult if you’re under 35.
“You’re so basic” said with a tone of contempt means you're probably being roasted. In the short run, you could be considered basic for ordering a pumpkin spice latte or walking around with a selfie stick. You would be considered “basic” for being mainstream and unoriginal. Shame.
If you expand the timeline, being basic has its upside. In the long run, basic refers to things that work and have always worked.
Like:
Writing love notes to your wife
Reading your Bible every day
Giving someone a meaningful compliment
Carrying a handkerchief and offering it to someone who needs it
Working hard instead of looking for a hack
Smiling when you walk into a room
Early to bed/early to rise
Exercising and eating right
I’ve been setting aside the basics as being unoriginal, but not this year. This year will be about getting back to the fundamentals of love, kindness, hard work, and determination.
This year I hope someone accuses me of being basic.
What’s your word this year?
Feliz Navidad! 🎄
Good morning and Merry Christmas! Thanks for staying connected to me as a friend and colleague through reading these weekly blog posts this year! They have proven to be a great way to stay in touch with you. As always I appreciate your comments and thoughts when you’re in the mood to reply. Your opinion matters to me so keep the interactions coming.
As we celebrate the birth of Jesus my prayer is that you feel the warmth and love from your family and friends (even though they can drive you crazy) Take a deep breath and be thankful.
Love you my friend!
~Craig
You Screening My Calls?
Behavior is a language…if they’re an emotionally integrated person and don’t pick up your call they are communicating something to you. Perhaps they are saying:
I’m in the middle of something and can’t pick up
If I pick up it will take forever to hang up and I don’t have the energy for it
If I do pick up and tell them I’m in the middle of something they will likely get their feelings hurt
This filter happens every day all around us. If you’re getting screened it might be on you.
Here’s how you know…
If you’ve ever said ”I tried calling you but you never pick up” or “I’ve been trying to reach you, where have you been?” It’s definitely on you.
Allow this victim mentality to be your cue. Your cue to remember that behavior is a language.
THAT > WHY
When something is or isn’t working it’s a good idea to spend a bit of time looking at the whys. The whys can shine light on future moves.
The problem is, we often think we know why when we actually don’t. We mistakenly think we know what caused the effect so we add or subtract the activity that we think will help.
Spending too much time trying to pinpoint the “why” slows growth. A brief after action review is a good strategy…a long winded analysis isn’t. When things aren’t working, get familiar with reality and focus on next steps instead of the death spiral of inaccurate whys. The effort put forth to assign blame is a waste of valuable energy.
The fact THAT it works is more valuable than WHY it works when you’re growing a company.
Whether it’s working or not...Start with “Why” but don’t linger.
Do Your “Best”
We all have goals. Ones we achieve, ones we miss, ones we kinda punt. There are so many uncontrollable things that keep us from achieving. Outside forces like high interest rates, technology breakdowns, or flaky people can set us back.
At times it seems like everything is stacked against you and it’s kinda true. You are doing your “best” but it still isn’t working.
Sometimes you claim to be doing your “best” but you know it's not quite your best.
Don’t EVER let your effort be the thing that holds you back.
God will show you what your “best” is, if you ask.
Get Control
We naturally want to have control. The number of things that are actually controllable are smaller than we might think.
Spill a glass of milk on the table and you have no control over where the leche flows. You don’t have a say in which way the wind blows or if you even wake up tomorrow.
It seems healthy to take charge of the controllable things. The things we ought to be doing. Things like our diet, our attitude, or our daily decisions. Getting out of bed early to head to the gym is up to us. Not controlling the controllable adds stress to our lives.
But what’s even more stressful?
Trying to control the things not meant to be controlled. It can be a blurry line usually created by self interest. Trying to avoid pain is a natural approach to living. The problems arise when we try to “control” away negative realities.
It’s not usually control but the illusion of control that slaps us down.
I Just Can’t Stand It!
Some things seem unbearable.
You’re up to your eyeballs and you’ve had it.
You just can’t take it!
You can’t “stand it” anymore!
Really?
The truth is you’re “still standing.” Your heart's still beating.
You’re either “standing it” or you’re dead.
If you’re not dead and have time to “stand” there and complain…you have time to take action.
Truth Bomb
The realist prides himself on being a truth teller. They are the type of people who tend to look through the bullshit and see what is really going on. It’s a talent, it’s a gift, and it’s also the fastest way to be a jerk.
What’s the point of delivering a truth bomb if it deafens the audience? Giving someone a piece of your mind is more about you than them.
The realist might say “That’s not my problem, I’m just calling it like I see it.”
Calling it like you see it and being blunt doesn’t move the needle in the right direction. (I checked). It’s relationally lazy. The more useful approach is to start with kindness. The heart behind what you say manifests itself through your tone.
If your tone is laced with self interest it won’t go well.
Be kind fam…
Don’t Judge Me
If you see a friend make bad choices what is your role? Leave him be? Who are you to judge?
Being afraid of judging is understandable. Judgment is important though. It’s important because turning a blind eye isn’t loving. We all make judgment calls every day. When your buddy isn’t using good judgment you should warn him. Let him know it kills you to see him going down the wrong path.
If he gets angry with you and 1shames you for “judging” him it’s a sign. A sign to let it go. You are wasting your breath. He is choosing his path over personal growth or curiosity.
Your pearls are too valuable for swine.
Silent Treatment
When things don’t go your way and you’re hurt or disappointed it’s tempting to punish the other person with the cold shoulder.
If we’re honest with ourselves it’s much easier to take the low road with the silent treatment. It’s satisfying because it gives the illusion of control. Maybe, just maybe they will come to you, hat-in-hand ready to take 100% ownership of everything they did to you. You want them to make all the correct guesses as to why you’re pouting, how it must have made you feel, and say a million sorry’s.
Pretty childish approach but understandable. The silent treatment is a useful way to avoid looking at your own pile of 💩. We all have our own piles and many times it’s your fault you’re triggered. Why? Because you haven’t been curious about the thing behind the thing. Why did that trigger me? What pre-existing pain did that agitate?
It’s scary to uncover some of those things and own them and learn from them. It’s much easier to act like it’s their fault for being insensitive to your invisible baggage. It’s a dysfunctional rescue-wish that will keep you stuck.
We’re all tempted to punish with silence…the question is…who is the one really suffering?
Self Love
There is a ton of chatter on the web about self love. You have to love yourself, take care of yourself, don’t forget about yourself. While this is true in some respects, becoming the center of your own universe is a direct path to misery.
Self centeredness is a natural human condition that manifests itself in unexpected ways. For example, if you’re proudly focused on others and find yourself resenting them when they don’t reciprocate… it could be a sign of over loving yourself
Everyone wants to be liked but making it your focus robs your happiness. Misery assaults you when you strive for approval. The world revolves around “self” when your mental state hinges on acceptance. It’s an empty pursuit.
The more time you spend thinking about yourself the more unhappy you become. Being selfless is good but thinking of yourself less is probably better.
Pro Tip: For more joy..focus on your Maker way before you meet Him.
P&L vs Forecast
The P&L tells you what happened. It shows you what’s left after the dust settles and all the debits and credits are entered. It displays seasonality, market shifts, lucky breaks, bad moves, and good strategy. It highlights the truth about good and bad decisions. Sometimes it’s depressing and sometimes it’s exciting.
The P&L requires no vision to create. It’s simply the truth about what happened. It doesn’t require much of anything other than accuracy.
The forecast on the other hand can be scary. It’s scary because it’s a guess based on the reality of the past and the hope of the future. They are almost never correct which causes a couple of responses.
They are never right so what’s the point?
They are never right but are still useful!
The former displays a fixed mindset and the latter, a growth mindset. Your thoughts about the future matter even though you can’t know what it is. The forecast teaches you about your view of the future. Over time your guesses will improve and the forecast will be more useful.
The goal of the forecast is to inspire strategy and creativity to achieve. It encourages growth and innovation to get there.
Comparing what you thought was going to happen with what actually happened is where the golden lessons are. Lessons that are likely unlearnable without the bravery to forecast.
Parting thought: It’s okay to look back…just don’t stare.
Learn It
Learning lessons the hard way is the only way for some. Others are more cautious because they watch the first guy bloody his nose. Life punches no matter how cautious you are. It finds a way to teach you.
The lessons aren’t always permanent. If you learn to avoid risks because they are risky you will live a pretty boring life. If you get on a bicycle for the first time and crash on a gravel turn it teaches you one of two things:
Bicycles are dangerous and I’m never getting on one again
Bicycles are dangerous without proper instruction and it’s obvious I don’t know what I’m doing yet.
These two “learned” attitudes have huge consequences over a lifetime.
Learning is not binary. The adventure in your life will be directly correlated by how you learn. What do circumstances teach you? What conclusions do you come to?
Sometimes the things you “learn” need to be unlearned.
The News
Why are some drawn to the news and others largely ignore it?
News is a profitable business and the currency is attention that's sold to the highest bidder.
If you don’t watch it you might miss something. You might not know about the bad thing that happened somewhere else. You might fall behind as the corrupt story unfolds.
Ignoring the news is a bad idea.
Ignoring most news is a good idea.
What is happening in a crooked man’s trial is attention getting, interesting, and a total waste of attention. Attention that is likely better placed in your own house and business.
If you’re frustrated by the news don’t forget…your attention is your asset. Be careful what you give it to.
Pro Tip: Find a news junkie who can summarize the high points in 30 seconds instead of wading through it yourself.
I Don’t Know
Knowing how to deal with what you don’t know will give you an edge over people who think they know. You can only really know something if it’s already happened. You can’t know for example that your car will start this morning until it does.
Sometimes people think they know and are surprised to find out they don’t. It’s usually because they’ve drawn conclusions to push away the question marks. Using fear-based conclusions as a way to button up the unknown will catch up to you.
Not knowing drives some people crazy. We all want things to make sense and the mystery of it all can be unsettling. Hand-wringing about what you don’t know is a waste of emotional bandwidth.
A more useful approach is to aggregate what you DO know and move forward with your best educated guess.
Base your next strategy on probability instead of a misguided conclusion about something unknowable.
Pro Tip: Faith brings tremendous comfort in the storms of the unknown.