Work Life Balance?
If balance is the goal not much will get done. Balance should be viewed as a reprieve instead of a destination.
If the expectation is homeostasis you’ll find yourself largely unhappy. Unhappy because you’re not in control of what happens to you. You become a perpetual victim of your circumstances.
What about what you can control? Grinding out a big project puts you out of balance. Sometimes it’s a season and sometimes just a few days. Enjoying the hustle is healthier than wishing for balance
The pursuit of balance is a limiting belief.
Balance will come…but if you search too hard you’ll end up finding laziness.
Corruption
It always gets uncovered…it's just a matter of time. Sometimes seconds, sometimes decades.
Corruption in the physical world is pretty easy to negotiate. Nobody wants to get into an airplane with a corrupt design. Nobody is going to drink water from a corrupt source.
Corruption in the spiritual world isn’t as obvious. Diversions from reality or truth can poison a society. It can put us on lockdown, it can keep us from speaking what’s on our mind, it can keep us from seeing reality.
Taking the high road often hurts in the short run and if you get gut punched long enough it becomes easy to rationalize a corrupt reaction.
Sometimes the corrupt reaction is silence.
Guard yourself against corruption and pursue the truth…even if it’s inconvenient.
A 2,000 year old pro tip? “The Truth will set you free.”
No Help
Some people want to be helped without asking. If you miss an obvious way to help them you’re gonna get the cold shoulder.
If they saw an opportunity to help, they would be first in line to dive in. They pretty much help wherever they go. Give, give, give. They are selfless people…
Not so fast.
If deep down inside you expect reciprocation…you’re not helping.
Keeping tabs leads straight to resentment, I checked.
Apology
Saying sorry is harder for some than others. Knowing logically that you are not perfect is the easy part. The hard part is owning it face to face.
Sometimes it’s a misunderstanding. Maybe your intention was positive but it was hurtful to the other person despite your motive. Within the scope of apology, the motive doesn’t really matter much.
A simple “sorry” with no explanation is the starting point. Allow it to sink in on the other side. Allow them to metabolize it without a bunch of nervous chatter. An explanation, rationalization, or excuse dulls the ownership and undermines the apology. At that point you’re making it about you instead of them.
Yesterday, I received an eye to eye apology with nothing extra. It took courage and we knew it. It drew me closer to the other person.
It reminded me to do the same.
Parting Thought: If you use “but” within a half mile of your apology…It’s not an apology.
Shark Bit
We often get stuck because we are afraid of doing it wrong. When making a decision if you wait for all the information things get really slow. Most of the time deciding to wait for all the information is a decision to not take action.
The best solution for this slow road is to shift your focus away from the lack of information to probability.
Probability is the key to decision making. Let’s assume you want to go swimming in the ocean but you’re afraid of sharks. You sit on the beach watching everyone enjoy a good swim while you worry about the sharks that could attack you. You’re sweating while the sun beats you down. You’re miserable because you are ignoring probability.
Many people fail to grow their business because they are fixated on what might go wrong. They are paralyzed by the sharks that “probably” won’t be there.
They know what they want but allow their emotions to cloud the reality of probability. It’s precisely why the house always wins in Vegas. They don’t build those beautiful casinos on your winnings.
BTW: The probability of being bitten by a shark is about 1 in 11.5 million, while the probability of being killed by a shark is about 1 in 264 million…
The probability of dying of cancer is about 1 in 5.
Time to swim in the ocean.
Excuse
Excuses are all around. Your productivity, the amount of money you make, the quality of your relationships hinge on excuses. The delta between success and failure depends on how often you use them.
The reality is that you know what you ought to do. God hardwired it into your soul. The moment by moment crossroads of right and wrong never stop.
Cookie or Apple
Work Out or Lounge
Beer or Water
Get up or Sleep In
TV or Book
Worry or Pray
Bible or News
Social Media or Conversation
Excuses rationalize the wrong choice. Don’t let your mind play tricks on you. Discipline is important but the more effective approach is to curate your habits to help you.
With a little effort you can alter your autopilot (aka habits) to water down the excuses and pave the way for a better version of yourself. With the right habits in place you can blur many of the crossroads. The exit signs are less legible and enticing.
God made you to be a part of making things better. You can easily sabotage your straight and narrow because…
If you look for an excuse…You’ll find one.
Presence vs Control
Being in the moment forces you to release control. Maybe this is why we often shift our mind to what happened last time and what might happen this time. We like control but it’s a distraction from what is real.
A mindshift to the past or future allows us to regain control. We decide what pictures we paint of the future or what we revisit in the past. We control the stories we weave. Trying to be in control in this context causes us to miss so much beauty and peace.
The present requires us to set aside everything and absorb what is currently happening.
All the sensations…All the emotions…
Take a deep breath and release control because the only thing that is real is right now.
Control is a fairytale.
God has it.
You don’t.
“You can do anything if you set your mind to it.”
It’s a silly thing to tell someone. I could set my mind to becoming an F35-B fighter pilot all I want but it will never happen. I can believe it, imagine it, put it on a vision board, and visualize it all I want but the Marine Corps won’t agree with what I’ve set my mind to. Ever.
People do amazing things every day because they “set their mind to it.” They do the work, they sacrifice, they take personal responsibility to execute when no one is looking.
Being in touch with reality is an important context. Mixed in with reality is our emotional interpretation of reality and how we interact with it. The reality is, if you don’t “set your mind to it”…it will never happen.
There are only two steps:
Set your mind to it (believe it can happen)
Get to work
Without both, you’re stuck.
Pro Tip: Spend time asking God to show you reality and what to “set your mind on.” The good news is, He will only show you reality in doses
Pet Thoughts
Thinking about something negative that just happened to you should be kept at bay. Allowing the thought to become your pet is a tempting notion. Playing the victim of a circumstance provides a litany of excuses and rationalizations.
It can become a library of reasons for falling short of your best self. A library curated by your ruminations.
People say you should just “let it go.” That works for the benign things but what about the more painful things?
Perhaps the solution is savoring.
Searching for the beauty right in front of you dissolves rumination…..drinking in the sunset, the comfort of your favorite chair, the giggles of a little one, or the way your dog greets you when you come home. Savoring the small moments neutralizes the unhelpful thoughts from taking root. Look for them…they’re everywhere.
Count your blessings. It’s a better way to live.
Old Man Strength
Aging is a bummer. The body gets stiff and creaky, the skin is less elastic, and recovery from anything takes longer. The good news is, for many, the mind becomes stronger in middle age. Don’t let your mind go too soon.
Body and mind are more connected than you might think. If your mind allows you to let go of your fitness there are mental consequences. The symbiotic relationship reveals itself in your vitality.
Being a good steward of your body is one of the keys to mental clarity and energy. You only have one body to take care of. Neglecting your fitness holds you back from your potential. Your fitness is the lead domino to a sharp mind.
We have two choices
Seek comfort
Seek growth
Parting Thought: We’re all going to die but hitting the “F-it” button physically will kill your potential prematurely. The price of excuses is high. Adjust your mental narrative and get moving.
What are you thinking?
It might be a good idea to stop taking your thoughts so seriously. The contents of your mind are not who you are anyway. Overidentifying with your thoughts causes all kinds of downsides. Allowing the wrong thoughts to run wild will cause anxiety and stress. Other thoughts cause pride, rigidness, and a closed-off spirit.
The fact that thoughts cause action and action cause feeling is enough reason to use caution when harboring them.
Thoughts need to be respected but are not your identity. It turns out that trying to control your thoughts is a fool's errand. Trying to block or erase them almost puts a spotlight on them. Instead, just notice them and gently show the bad ones to the door.
Pro Tip: When someone you love is an emotional basket case, allow them to feel. Their feelings are real and should never be argued. The better approach is to validate the feeling and later on gently discuss the thoughts that lead to the emotion. Mistaking someone’s feelings as thoughts doesn’t go welI, I checked.
“I don’t like that idea…”
When someone says this while trying to solve a problem, it comes with great responsibility. If they say it they better have some ideas to contribute. Alternatives are vulnerable and not giving one stops progress.
Someone who poo-poo’s your idea, tells you why it wont work, and then fails to give an alternative idea is either lazy or cowardly. Being on the other side of this behavior requires a bit of resilience.
Saying you “don’t like the idea” and not offering something generative displays a classic fixed mindset. If you want to stay stuck, invite a wet blanket to your next whiteboarding session.
Lies are Loud
When someone is lying, they tend to talk too much and create distracting drama.
The truth doesn't need distractions. It's content to just be what it is. It doesn't need to shout or make a scene. It's just there, waiting for you to notice it.
The truth is easy. It doesn't require any effort to maintain. Set it and forget it.
Lying steals your bandwidth and the maintenance bill is high.
As you know, lies are loud and the truth is quiet…
“Culture”
Proclaiming a good culture is different than creating one. Culture is the outcome of leadership. It isn’t a thing to arrive at...It’s something that happens over time. It’s a result of doing the right thing. The next right thing time and time again.
It isn’t a flash in the pan, it’s more of a slow cook. Mixing the right ingredients of love and respect for each other and those you serve… One decision at a time.
The outcome of a great company’s culture is behavior change. Behavior that human nature disagrees with. Behavior that makes the world a better place… Because it’s “who” we are.
Sometimes people can spoil your culture and need to be lovingly pushed to another apple cart.
Mouth Breathing
It’s worth noticing your habits. They are executed without a thought… pushing us toward or away from what we want. Taking inventory of them is a worthy exercise. Once identified, put them in three buckets.
Keep
Stop
Tweak
Having a good handle on what you want will help you sort them. Here is my list of things I observed from yesterday:
Keep - 1st hour of the day, water, keys in tray, wipe sink
Stop - Scrolling, grazing the pantry, blinkerless lane changing, mouth breathing
Tweak - Type of snacks
How to Solve
Questions are everywhere. Getting to the most useful question takes effort. Here’s one way to approach it:
Record a few of the negative facts. (Not assumptions or opinions)
Pick one of the facts, then make a list of possible questions.
Wait 24 hours to allow the super computer between your ears to work on it while you live your life.
Craft the question.
Use the questions as the linchpin for the solving process.
Parting Thought: The path to frustration and stuckness is looking for the answer to the wrong question.
Chasing Rabbits
When trying to solve a problem it’s easy to get distracted. In most meetings the rabbits are begging to be chased… first in a big circle, then down the hole. The hole that takes you further from a solution.
Spending time on the front end, identifying the issue, is like sharpening your axe before the first whack at the trunk. Once the real issue is identified, it will keep you centered on solving.
When you find yourself circling the rabbit hole, course correct and get back to the issue.
The Problem with Feelings
“I’ll get to it when I feel like it.”
“I’m not feeling creative.”
“I don’t feel like working out.”
“I’ve lost that loving feeling.”
“I don’t feel like getting out of bed.”
“I have to feel ‘ready’ before I start.”
Sometimes feelings can fool us.
Pro Tip: The way you act determines how you feel more than feelings dictate action. If you want to get nowhere fast or be average… wait until you “feel” like taking action.
Know Thyself
Before you can lead, you must know thyself. Curiosity about your own behavior will lead you down a path. A path that will expedite growth.
The first step is identifying the patterns. What frustrates you? Who frustrates you? What depresses you? What drains your energy?
Living life with no curiosity will stagnate your ability to lead. It will limit your capacity to make the world a better place.
Parting Thought: Looking yourself in the mirror takes heroic bravery...It’s easier to be oblivious.
Overwhelmed?
Overwhelm comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be a mountain of tasks or emotion… A flurry of internal thoughts or external circumstances. It can have the context of past or future. It can cause fight, flight or freeze.
It can shut you down.
Getting wrapped up in what happened last time or what might happen down the road will give you an overnight delivery of overwhelm…overwhelm you ordered by your thinking. The truth is, we sit in the present moment and drag the emotions from the past or future to sabotage the current situation.
The salve for overwhelm comes in the form of one simple question… What can I do right this minute? If the answer is nothing, let it go man!