Self Love
There is a ton of chatter on the web about self love. You have to love yourself, take care of yourself, don’t forget about yourself. While this is true in some respects, becoming the center of your own universe is a direct path to misery.
Self centeredness is a natural human condition that manifests itself in unexpected ways. For example, if you’re proudly focused on others and find yourself resenting them when they don’t reciprocate… it could be a sign of over loving yourself
Everyone wants to be liked but making it your focus robs your happiness. Misery assaults you when you strive for approval. The world revolves around “self” when your mental state hinges on acceptance. It’s an empty pursuit.
The more time you spend thinking about yourself the more unhappy you become. Being selfless is good but thinking of yourself less is probably better.
Pro Tip: For more joy..focus on your Maker way before you meet Him.
P&L vs Forecast
The P&L tells you what happened. It shows you what’s left after the dust settles and all the debits and credits are entered. It displays seasonality, market shifts, lucky breaks, bad moves, and good strategy. It highlights the truth about good and bad decisions. Sometimes it’s depressing and sometimes it’s exciting.
The P&L requires no vision to create. It’s simply the truth about what happened. It doesn’t require much of anything other than accuracy.
The forecast on the other hand can be scary. It’s scary because it’s a guess based on the reality of the past and the hope of the future. They are almost never correct which causes a couple of responses.
They are never right so what’s the point?
They are never right but are still useful!
The former displays a fixed mindset and the latter, a growth mindset. Your thoughts about the future matter even though you can’t know what it is. The forecast teaches you about your view of the future. Over time your guesses will improve and the forecast will be more useful.
The goal of the forecast is to inspire strategy and creativity to achieve. It encourages growth and innovation to get there.
Comparing what you thought was going to happen with what actually happened is where the golden lessons are. Lessons that are likely unlearnable without the bravery to forecast.
Parting thought: It’s okay to look back…just don’t stare.
Learn It
Learning lessons the hard way is the only way for some. Others are more cautious because they watch the first guy bloody his nose. Life punches no matter how cautious you are. It finds a way to teach you.
The lessons aren’t always permanent. If you learn to avoid risks because they are risky you will live a pretty boring life. If you get on a bicycle for the first time and crash on a gravel turn it teaches you one of two things:
Bicycles are dangerous and I’m never getting on one again
Bicycles are dangerous without proper instruction and it’s obvious I don’t know what I’m doing yet.
These two “learned” attitudes have huge consequences over a lifetime.
Learning is not binary. The adventure in your life will be directly correlated by how you learn. What do circumstances teach you? What conclusions do you come to?
Sometimes the things you “learn” need to be unlearned.
The News
Why are some drawn to the news and others largely ignore it?
News is a profitable business and the currency is attention that's sold to the highest bidder.
If you don’t watch it you might miss something. You might not know about the bad thing that happened somewhere else. You might fall behind as the corrupt story unfolds.
Ignoring the news is a bad idea.
Ignoring most news is a good idea.
What is happening in a crooked man’s trial is attention getting, interesting, and a total waste of attention. Attention that is likely better placed in your own house and business.
If you’re frustrated by the news don’t forget…your attention is your asset. Be careful what you give it to.
Pro Tip: Find a news junkie who can summarize the high points in 30 seconds instead of wading through it yourself.
I Don’t Know
Knowing how to deal with what you don’t know will give you an edge over people who think they know. You can only really know something if it’s already happened. You can’t know for example that your car will start this morning until it does.
Sometimes people think they know and are surprised to find out they don’t. It’s usually because they’ve drawn conclusions to push away the question marks. Using fear-based conclusions as a way to button up the unknown will catch up to you.
Not knowing drives some people crazy. We all want things to make sense and the mystery of it all can be unsettling. Hand-wringing about what you don’t know is a waste of emotional bandwidth.
A more useful approach is to aggregate what you DO know and move forward with your best educated guess.
Base your next strategy on probability instead of a misguided conclusion about something unknowable.
Pro Tip: Faith brings tremendous comfort in the storms of the unknown.
Don’t Do It
Seeking wisdom is a good thing as long as you don’t make it the most important thing. Reading, studying, and seeking wisdom will get you knowledge.
Knowledge = Smart and Smart = Success…right?
This notion is one reason our culture normalizes large amounts of debt in exchange for a degree. We all know super smart people who struggle to make it. Misapplied or latent knowledge will get you nowhere fast without a strategy.
A strategy worth consideration is finding people who already have what you are looking for and it’s usually not your professor. Mimicking the actions of top performers works better than reinventing the wheel. (I checked)
Emulating what successful people DO will get you a long way but there is a secret catch. A catch that will keep you from their level.
Because their level is achieved by what they DON’T DO.
Comfort
Too much comfort leads to atrophy. Atrophy leads to weakness, illness, and psychological malaise.
Avoiding discomfort makes sense as a human but prevents progress and paves the way to stagnation.
Growth takes effort, action, discomfort, and time. Short-term discomfort is a small price to pay for the upside. Unfortunately, the reward is invisible at first glance.
Comfort choices are a trap. They accrue and will always bite you but almost never in the short term. They go undetected until you get sick, divorced, fat, addicted, stressed, depressed, or broke.
Gradually, then all at once.
Pro Tip: God doesn’t command us to do what is naturally easy.
PS Ben Franklin wrote a funny piece about this. Enjoy 😊
Fail
Failure is a man-made state of mind. There is a secret part of failure that is completely controllable.
People who control this part are the ones who succeed. The ones who don’t remain stuck.
The secret?
We get to choose how we view failure.
Failure often gives us a front row seat to reality. Reality can be brutal and doesn’t care how you feel about it. The feeling of failure will stay as long as it’s welcome. It only becomes permanent if we allow it to.
If you’re growth oriented, failure gets our attention briefly and inspires action. It forces the break up of habits that aren’t working and opens the door for improved patterns.
Pro Tip: View failure as tuition not prison.
What Might Happen
It’s hard to be around constantly negative people…it’s also hard being around endlessly positive people.
Both can be annoying.
A negative person may call himself a “realist”
A positive person may call himself an “optimist”
The negative person often views the positive person as blissfully unaware. Some of the more troubled people are likely the ones who are overly optimistic. They are troubled because they know deep down inside their view isn’t real.
The positive person views the negative person as a wet blanket. Some of the more troubled people are fearful pessimists who claim to be realists.
A healthy outlook boils down to holding two questions in mind at the same time.
Am I concerned about what might happen?
Am I excited about what might happen?
True growth arrives when we have a healthy response and learn from what actually happens.
The push-pull of pessimism and optimism is a sweet spot worth pursuing.
Pro Tip: You don’t know what will happen…but God does.
The Price
There seems to always be a price to pay. The good news is, you can usually choose which price.
If you don’t exercise you’ll pay a price
If you exercise daily you’ll pay a price
If you love your spouse you’ll pay a price
If you don’t love your spouse you’ll pay a price
If you develop good habits you’ll pay a price
If you develop bad habits you’ll pay a price
The interesting dynamic is the long-term consequences of not paying short-term prices. There is an obvious trap nested in the path of least resistance.
Most of the resistance comes in the form of front-end prices. Why pay the price of stopping at two drinks, two cookies, or one more episode?
If you’re gonna pay a price…make the harder choice. Choose the price with the most immediate discomfort and you will land on higher ground.
Assert
Asserting yourself in a situation gets all sorts of reactions.
People often don’t like it for a couple of reasons.
Sometimes it’s because you lacked awareness of the situation. Maybe you had a weak moment and forced something that shouldn’t be forced.
Sometimes people get upset by your assertiveness because they don’t feel like they can be assertive. They don’t think they have the right to express themselves so why should you? They will often choose to accuse you of being aggressive or crazy.
Being a formidable character who isn’t afraid to express yourself carries some responsibility. You want to avoid causing a wake that drowns others but is one they can handle. Not much happens in the world without some confidence to kick the door down. People aren’t going to like it.
Being a jerk and being effective is a tightrope. Surround yourself with effective people who can show you the difference. Walking on eggshells will keep you stuck.
“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far” -T. Roosevelt
Blind Spots
Accountability is a key component of success and personal growth. Growing out of your blind spots requires a rare set of character qualities.
You have to know certain things, like:
You have blind spots
You can’t see your blind spots
Your blind spots are obvious to the ones who love you
Hearing about your blind spots feels threatening
You’ll naturally try to conceal your blind spots
Blind spots in most people are static because it’s easier to identify the blind spots in others. The nail in that coffin doesn’t end well.
The blind spots become dynamic with accountability. When someone holds you accountable they are saving you from yourself. Whatever you keep doing is self-sabotage and they are trying to stop you.
It’s often when love feels like judgmentalism.
The next time accountability comes your way and it stings a little…pay attention.
Stay humble, mi amigo!
Good Guilt
Guilt is the rumble strip for your day to day life. The Christian might call the rumble strip the spirit of God. A toddler naturally hides his wrong doings because what is right is hardwired in all of us. When what is “good” doesn’t match what we decided to do there is a tinge of guilt to remind us.
The world turns dark when we ignore the guilt and rationalize the action. Over time the guilt fades away and it starts to feel okay. Especially when you start spending time with people who have also muted their guilt. It almost disappears altogether and becomes the “right” thing to do.
The next natural occurrence is the feeling of judgment. Judgment from others who have not rationalized their wrong doings. When you watch someone else stay away from the rumble strips the guilt you thought you eliminated comes right back. The best thing to do in this case is to stay away from those type of people because they are “judgmental.”
But are they?
Humans are a mess but it’s worth taking a closer look at the feeling of being judged. What’s the source of that judgment?
Oftentimes it’s your conscience fighting for what is right and not condemnation from someone else.
If you don’t think there is absolute truth…the rumble strips will politely leave you to your ways and you will be miserable.
Loco
Most of the time we try to avoid looking crazy. Holding back our ideas in fear of looking dumb or incompetent puts the best stuff on ice.
Normal people evict these crazy ideas and move on to more acceptable or common modes of thinking.
If you’re a little loco, you don’t have to advertise it. Simply writing it down without letting it slip away is the key. Create a container to revisit, massage, and even play out the irreversible consequences of taking action.
You can’t be normal and phenomenal at the same time.
If people think you’re loco…you might be on the right track.
Seeing
We have a weakness. An unavoidable natural bend that is difficult to extinguish.
It causes great pain and anguish. It causes unhappiness and even sickness.
It’s how we see.
(Seeing what is right before us with the eyes of the past.)
The long list of caveats, judgments, and doubts rob us of the present reality. I tend to roll my eyes at the notion of “practicing the power of presence” as a woo woo platitude.
I’m changing my mind.
Equality
The mantra of our culture has been to make everyone the same. One man is not better than the other. We are all equal right? Those who want power (the nefarious type) strive to ensure that no one stands out as superior. If a person is superior, their money, land, ability to speak should be debased, confiscated and silenced.
After all, it’s not fair.
All men are not created equal. We all start with 99.9% of the same DNA but there is a huge delta between how we react to our pre-installed Divine blessings. What are you doing with your gifts? Are you allowing God’s power to flow or are you letting the plaque of equality constrict your rarity?
Hierarchy is correct and corrupt on the human level. Power is tyrannical and saintly. So what is the cause of a good thing gone bad?
Envy.
Don’t be afraid to be a lion among sheep.
Improvements
Making a significant improvement can be an uphill battle. The hopeful outcome of making something better is usually only half the story. If you spend any time at all looking back at a recent adjustment in your life or business you’ll usually see the desired outcome pretty quickly.
As time burns on things get interesting. The lead domino of a meaningful upgrade leads to so many unexpected ancillary improvements. Improvements you likely didn’t know were possible.
Spend some time doing a mental case study of your last upgrade. Take a look at the momentum that was created.
Notice the butterfly effect and leverage that to attack the steep climb to your next enhancement.
A bold and thoughtful improvement will be surrounded by unexpected but correlated velocity.
Decisions
Some people make snap decisions, others weigh all the options, turn over every rock and don’t make a decision (which is a decision.)
It’s been suggested by the science dudes that we make around 35,000 decisions every day. It’s the important ones that can snag us. They snag us because the consequences are more meaningful.
There is a deep correlation between the quality of our lives and the decisions we make. The key is learning from the bad ones. Copy what the Seals do…after every mission they engage in an after action review.
When things go haywire with your health, money, or relationships it’s likely tied to one of your decisions.
Learn to own them and course correct when needed.
Thank You Mr. Perfectionist
Perfectionists can be annoying. Always commenting on how things aren’t right…pointing out things that are out of place. Constantly correcting their environment. Nitpicky fixers who lose sleep over things that just aren’t right.
But Wait…
Without them the world would be a total mess. If they were erradicated everything would implode. Planes would fall out of the sky.
They are largely misunderstood. You might think they wake up in the morning ready to find mistakes, search for the crooked picture, the misspelling, the missing data. On a mission to correct you or throw a wet blanket on your idea.
It’s not true…and that’s why you might be annoyed.
Dear Mr. Perfectionist,
My guess is, mistakes assault you…you don’t have to find them, they find you.
Am I right?
Assumicide
In the marketing world, attribution is something that must be tracked closely. Dedicating ad spend and blindly hoping it converts is a quick way to burn cash. Knowing where the sales are coming from is a matter of analyzing data.
Living in the business environment makes it easy to assume it will also work in relationships. Studying data (outcomes) is a long way from the reality of someone’s motives. Trying to get into someone else’s head to figure out why they did or didn’t do something is a fundamental attribution error.
Coming to conclusions with your guesses is assumicide.
Pro Tip: If you think someone is being malicious or careless, ask them directly. Say something like “I get the impression you were late to the meeting because you don’t see it as important…is that true?” \
Saying nothing and resenting them is chickenshit.