Dirty Pain

Dirty pain cycles from foggy to scary. So scary it gets pushed back into the fog. Dirty pain gets foggy by numbing. Numbing the emotions with whatever makes it stop. 

Foggy pain feels like relief from the dirt… but actually just delays it for a bit. The pain is dirty because it slaps harder once you get off the numbing merry-go-round. Facing the pain feels like a threat. The brain sees it just like a junkyard dog chasing you. 

Clean pain is the same pain, but without the fog. Clean pain is felt in all it’s detail with a present mind. A mind that is clear enough to ask for a little help. It’s worth learning how to move through the pain. The merry-go-round will make you dizzy and slap you down when the music stops.

MG: Nic Lesmeister 

Once I have ____, then I’ll…

Once I have a license, then I’ll…

Once I have more cash, then I’ll…

Once I have more time, then I’ll…

Once I have a website, then I’ll…

Once I’m healthy, then I’ll…

Once this project is over, then I’ll…

Once I purchase the equipment, then I’ll…

There are circumstantial gatekeepers that block the next step… Or do they?

Once you validate the gatekeeper, then you give it power. Ignoring reality will always cost you but leveraging the gatekeeper as a reason to wait might also cost you. 

Do the work you can do today, because the gatekeeper isn’t the boss of you. 

The key to the gate is to simply begin.

Dreamer

Dreaming big can be misunderstood. Some people are labeled as “dreamers” followed by a mild eye roll. The eye roll comes from the lack of execution. 

The other side of the coin are the executors who struggle to dream. A dream represents pressure. The executer already has a long list of things he wants to get done. The dream of the next level can be too much. 

It’s worth refraining the dream for the executor. Allow space and hold it lightly. Quiet the judge in your head. The dreams are in there and they matter immensely. 

No pressure though.

Insecure Work

When we have to do something that is difficult, something that will take time, effort, focus, and discipline, most of us pause. We pause because we’re gearing up. We are getting ready to get ready to execute. 

Right before we jump into the important work, the tendency is to fill time to do the insecure work. Insecure work anesthetizes the anxiety by knocking out small tasks to get the feeling of productivity while not doing what’s important. Insecure work looks awesome from the outside and actually gives you relief from the anxiousness of the more important ominous project. 

If it’s small executable tasks that make you feel good, then pull out a meaningful bite-sized chunk of the project and execute it!

Go make your mark.

MG C. Jarvis 

"I'm So Busy"

“Busy” is a disease, not a badge of honor. It’s frantic reactions destroy important work. The important work takes intention and can’t be executed in a busy state. Usually, urgent things are fool’s gold. You think it’s important, but is it really? Does it really deserve your precious attention? Attention that can be used to create. 

The problem with busyness is it feels and sounds so productive.

If it’s not urgent, and not important, kick it out of your life. 

If it’s urgent, but not important, try to reduce it. 

Creativity and reactivity are like oil and water. Notice what you’re reacting to and start pruning.

"I don't do it for the money..."

It seems like a noble statement. It’s a defensive statement against the assumption of greed. The truth is most great things can’t be done without the money. The money buys options, infrastructure, and can pay awesome people to make the thing even better. 

Being motivated by money is normal. It’s a great incentivizer because of what it buys. Greed is selfish and being motivated to work hard in exchange for money is only selfish if you’re greedy. 

There’s nothing better than a big pile of money in the right hands.

Norm!

Being misunderstood can be paralyzing. It means you deeply care about the perception of others. Having a good reputation sometimes means you must comply with the norms. 

Norms aren’t always that helpful. They’re relative to the masses and the masses are often wrong. Stay the course and do what is right… do what only you can, and don’t check it against the norm… unless you want to be average. 

Average behavior will douse your unique flame. Count it as progress when you find yourself misunderstood for a season.

Go make your mark!

Attention Settings

Virtually every corner of our world is overplayed with software. Software that tries to improve the user experience. The reality is that while user experience is vital, the profit lies in your attention. It’s worth noting the currency of the social media creators is your attention. Attention is the low hanging fruit because most are on autopilot. Most don’t think to protect it.

Here’s the kicker, since attention is the currency, innovative software settings that could help you protect your attention aren’t typically baked into the software. (They have no incentive)

The money gathers around getting your attention, not making your life better. It turns out, improving your life is your job. It’s your job to decide what gets your attention. It’s your job to protect it… and treat it as sacred. If you don’t, “they” will gladly take it and sell it to the highest bidder.

The "Snap"

Snap judgments can save your life. Trusting your gut to sidestep danger is hardwired in our brains. The snap action is a two-edged sword. A sword that saves and a sword that severs. Applying the “snap” in relationships almost always sabotages trust and connection.

When someone is struggling and they build up the courage to share it with you, avoid the snap. The “snap” solution is the fastest way to disconnect. Take a deep breath… hold your tongue, and listen. Seek to understand… not fix. They will love you for it.

Noticing

Part of getting to know yourself is noticing. More specifically, noticing what you notice. 

When you walk into a room full of people, there are the ones you pay attention to, and the ones you practically ignore. The ones that stand out and the ones who are seemingly invisible. Our minds do this automatically. Our brains love to sort. Sorting requires judging and judging might or might not be good. Your attention has to go somewhere. 

If you want to learn more about your motivations, be curious about what catches your eye and maybe more curious about what you ignore. 

Baby From Krypton

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Superman! 

Superman was an instant hit back in the 50s. It was a hit because people like to see superhuman things. Having superhuman abilities is a secret dream for most. The writers knew it would flop without one key element and it wasn’t his speed or power… it was his weakness. 

He was a meek, slightly nerdy reporter for a newspaper. If he was only strong and got all the girls, America would’ve gotten bored… Even when he left the phone booth, he was still vulnerable to kryptonite. 

Vulnerability is magnetic. It activates connection and trust. Respect your weakness. Never play like you don’t have any. Unless of course, you like playing alone.

Faster Horses

Market research takes a bit of effort. It seems simple: find your target audience, ask them what they need, and build out your offering. Companies use this model and promptly crash and burn. One of the reasons is the data collected isn’t dependable. 

People generally don’t know what they need… but they always have an answer to the question. There is no intent to mislead you but they often haven’t thought through it. If Henry Ford asked people what they needed they would have said faster horses. 

Ignoring the nuances is a mistake. 

The skill comes with reading between the lines and having a vision that sees the underlying need. Testing to see if it will fly before going all-in is the wise move. 

Pro Tip:  Just because you build it...doesn’t mean they will come.

Toxic Opinion

We all have opinions... 

Opinions based on history, facts, assumptions, and world view. It instantly gets dicey when opinions about others are held. 

Making assumptions about their underlying motive is a fool's errand. 

I stopped watching the news almost 20 years ago because I couldn’t figure out the difference between reality and opinion. Reality seemed to be relative instead of real. Sometimes independent judgment is more reliable. Reliable only if you acknowledge the importance of what you can’t see. Things omitted, hidden, unclear, or invisible are often vital pieces of the puzzle. 

Avoid the extreme edges because it forces you to ignore the whole picture. Solving the important problems requires us to admit we need each other to find what is real.

The Rules

I’m not a fan of rules and my persona hates the feeling of being controlled. Rules are meant to be broken right? Rules stifle freedom… They force you to conform. 

It’s worth learning which rules matter. Breaking rules or following them because they are “the rules” is lazy. Lazy because you are focused on the rule instead of the boundary it creates. 

If a musician breaks the rules of music, he’s booed off the stage. The rules of music create boundaries that contain infinite options to create. Economic rules of supply and demand will cause a business to sink or swim. 

Follow the rules, the right rules. The rules that support the boundaries that create the freedom to do what only you can. 

Go make your mark.

The Problem Is Clear

Words are important and so are their meanings. Using them to empathize with your customer will increase sales. Telling your customer all the reasons that you’re awesome makes you average. Average because it’s the norm. 

They must trust you and your answers before buying. The key to earning trust in the beginning are your words. Words that clarify their problem. 

People buy when they feel understood. If you can articulate the problem better than the customer they will almost automatically trust you have the answer.

We Care

When I hear “I don't care what people think” I get a little jittery because it’s hard to believe. 

Caring is important, but can be painful. The danger comes when the action is motivated by what people think. It has a way of cheapening the outcome. 

If you’re doing it for show, most people will know. 

Doing what is right or loving never requires you to wonder what people think. It allows you to be careless. It’s where freedom lives. 

That's a BAD Idea Craig!

When we feel challenged or questioned, the natural response is defensiveness. If our idea or position seems threatened, we protect. Standing up for yourself is a useful skill. The problem comes when we take the question personally. 

Separating the question or partitioning the challenge from yourself is hard work. It’s hard work because it feels, at first glance, to be personal.

“That’s a bad idea, Craig” 

Less mature ears may hear… 

“You’re bad Craig and you don’t know what you’re doing.” 

If you have pre-existing tapes playing in your head and you allow a challenge to validate the tapes you’ll end up in your lizard brain. The idea or position was challenged, not the personhood. 

If you’re easily offended it will cost you money and cause you pain.

Principle Paradox

Humans will always let each other down. Assuming malice can make it even more painful. 

If someone you look up to lets you down, it gets complicated. 

Separating good ideas from the human that falls short takes some maturity. Waiting for the perfect human to learn from will stunt your growth. 

You know the truth when you see it. You know a durable principle when you hear it, no matter the source. 

If you pay attention you’ll see, all leaders are hypocrites doing the best they can… including you.

Wolf Proof

Building important things or solving worthy problems requires good, raw materials. Sourcing good materials makes the project sturdy.

If you don’t, the wolf will huff and puff and you’ll have to start over.

Pull raw materials from people you trust. Input and an open stance is vital. Vital because we don’t know what we don’t know. 

Thinking you know it all will make you an easy target for the wolf.

Good Grief

When something bad happens, our instinct is to “move on”. Moving on can distance us from the pain. 

But doesn’t time heal all wounds? Yes, but only when you’ve acknowledged and properly grieved the loss. 

Moving on without grieving will bite you. Moving on too quickly doesn’t show respect for the loss. If you skip this step the pain won’t dissolve. It ends up staying in your body. It typically burps out in unexpected ways. Like mean words, blocked creativity, or illness. 

Grieving the loss of things you can't keep will free your mind to do what only you can.