Stereotypical
As humans, we put people in categories so we can move on to more important things. That’s why stereotypes are prevalent. The problem is they always have a spec of truth in them. Add a dose of confirmation bias and you are cruising downwind towards folly. The breeze becomes a tornado.
The woman walking down the street clutches her purse when a young tattooed dude walks by. Why? Safety, common sense, fear, stereotypes?
The challenge is we don’t have all the information and we largely don’t want it. We don’t want it because it would take far too much effort to get to the bottom of something that is only marginally important. At least from our POV.
Stereotypes are lazy and convenient. Perhaps the better choice is to give the benefit of the doubt. The truth is complex and if you dismantle every stereotype you have it would take you out of the game.
The point is to know that they are a short cut and often short circuit reality.
Sometimes reality is more beautiful than you think.
Legacy
I don’t think leaving a financial legacy should be the goal. Working hard and leaving something to your grandkids is cool but that’s about it.
Do you know your great-great-great-grandfather’s full name? Doubtful.
In the end, you’re gonna die and will be forgotten. If you leave a big pile of money behind, it will eventually end up in a stranger’s hands. What good is that?
All your hard work is either multiplied or wasted.
Why not give most away with a warm hand now instead of a cold hand later?
Hat tip to D. Gibson and Papaw Sleepy.
Lies
When you find yourself hiding things let it be a warning light.
Spending time concealing, covering up your trail, or distracting is a reason to pause and think. Ask yourself:
Why am I hiding?
Who am I hiding “x” from?
How can I make it right?
Big lies will crush you and little lies will steal your peace. We’re all liars to some degree.
Sometimes the lies slip out without intention and have to be reeled back. Sometimes we leave things out to get an edge. The key is to keep short accounts and avoid the accruing effect. Rationalizations are a slippery slope that will set you back.
Owning the slip-ups improves your character.
And don’t forget… If you’re not exposed on earth you’ll surely be exposed when you meet your maker.
Workaholic [Lazy]
Isn’t hard work a good thing?
Maybe being a workaholic is actually a form of laziness? Going to work early and staying late seems noble. You’re bringing home the bacon… you’re providing for your family. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?
If you are working your butt off every waking hour how could that be lazy?
It’s lazy because the real work likely revolves around your relationships at home or your fitness.
Being a workaholic is easy.
Hard to Get
Why are things valuable? Diamonds have value because they are scarce-ish. What if we find them on the moon and bring space shuttles full back to Earth? What then? They are still beautiful, and strong, but are now common. Are they less valuable now?
The economics of price is pretty simple. If it’s scarce it will cost more. Look what COVID did.
The interesting revelation happens only when you get that scarce thing and realize it’s not that valuable after all.
Lean into what your soul deems valuable.
Just because you can’t get it doesn’t make it valuable… it just makes it hard to get.
Hat tip to Rogan…
Reminiscing
There are many windows in our lives of perfect happiness. The vibe was magical the feeling of perfect bliss flowed through your veins. All of your senses satisfied. We’ve all had them. Can you think of yours?
The hard part is letting them come and go.
We think….“It was so perfect… I’ll go back to that beach or that mountain spot in the woods. I’ll recreate it. Maybe I should just retire there… live there full time. Feel the happiness perpetually.”
When we make this mistake we learn the original bliss can’t be repeated. It always falls short. Why?
Because it’s a conduit, it’s not the thing itself. Perhaps it was a vehicle to provide a glimpse of heaven. A brief portal of what’s to come. Maybe it’s God’s way of cracking the door to eternity.
Our time here on Earth will never satisfy. Don’t trick yourself into thinking you can recreate the feeling. It won’t work. It won’t work because God wants to make it clear you are just passing through. The lasting bliss is above.
Don’t forget…the one thing for certain is death. You are closer to it now than when you opened this email.
Have fun, enjoy yourself, and connect with the Creator.
P.S. My favorite song right now
Needs
No one wants to be seen as emotionally needy. Pull up your big boy pants and get it done yourself. Things could always be worse and…No one is coming.
The problem with emotional needs is we all have them but few are brave enough to identify them much less articulate them. It’s worth exploring what you need because all sorts of crappy things happen when you have unmet needs.
It actually takes a much bigger man to figure out what you need than to simply “handle it” on your own.
Feeling stuck? Man up and figure out what you need then ASK! Get the emotional nutrients from a comrade so you can step into who God made you to be instead of playing small via self-reliance.
Here is a list of core emotional needs I learned from J. Townsend:
~Acceptance
~Containment
~Empathy
~Validation
Pro Tip: Be careful who you ask.
Enemies
Sometimes picking an enemy is all the motivation you need. The more spiritual thing to do is to act out of gratitude and love but it doesn’t seem to move the needle immediately. It’s probably better than perpetually throwing darts at your enemy. Aren’t we supposed to love them? Is showing them how wrong they are… loving them?
I think most winners have a clear enemy. Their mission is to prove him wrong, make him eat his words, and bury his doubt in all your success. Mash the gas and don’t look back. I’ll show him!
Think of all the amazing things that have been built, created, or invented in this world because someone said it can’t be done. It’s impossible… you’re wasting your time… you’re just a dreamer.
The winner says: “Hold my beer”
If you don’t have enemies maybe you aren’t polarizing enough with your mission, values, and principles. Maybe you are just too soft? Too much religious glitter to be a winner?
Maybe, just maybe, one of the most loving things to do is to hustle hard enough until your haters ask if you’re hiring.
Clenched Teeth
Delaying the inevitable helps us pretend. Pretend that we might not have to do it or maybe…if we wait it will get better. Sometimes it does but reality has a way of making itself known. It’s not something you can pretend away.
The interesting outcome is the great feeling you get when you simply execute. It typically takes less time to move through the pain and it’s far less painful than we imagine. The conversation in your mind is what steals your time.
The key is to monitor the battle your thoughts are having with reality.
The cold water doesn’t get warmer if you ease in on your toes with a big inhale and clenched teeth.
Grudge
Some hold grudges more than others.
A grudge is always less about the offender than the holder of the grudge. The holder usually defaults to an external locus of control and has an incredible memory. The grudge is worth nurturing and serves them in some way. At least they think it does.
As a haphazard forgetful visionary and an armchair psychologist I’ve noticed a pattern. I don’t ever hold grudges and it has nothing to do with some sort of moral ninja skill. I’m simply forgetful. I’ve noticed that those who have a steel trap memory also struggle letting things go.
I have 99 problems but grudges are not on the list…or at least that I can remember.
Consequences
Consequences teach us so much. If something seems a little risky I oftentimes ask myself:
What are the irreversible consequences of this decision? Am I willing to live with them?
Side Note: I personally believe that you can actually measure intelligence by the response to negative consequences. There are a lot of people out there that seem to ignore them and are procreating at a significant clip.
Most consequences are not reversible…The path you choose afterwards is.
Pro Tip: Always do the next right thing. You won’t mind the consequences.
Expectations
Expectations are worth having.
Some say lower them to reduce disappointment. If you or they fall short, no biggie. Seems reasonable at first glance but in the end becomes a race to the bottom.
Some say they are fine as long as they are “reasonable.” We all know how subjective “reasonable” can be. Reasonable compared to what?
Having high expectations of others can elevate performance because they don’t want to disappoint. If you know they are people pleasers it makes you manipulative.
Expectations can be good and bad and are ultimately complicated.
Pro Tip: Be very careful about what you SILENTLY expect of others.
Uncommunicated expectations are actually premeditated resentments…
Buried
If you feel under the pile there is a pretty cool escape route to try.
Get out pen and paper and write down the immediate truth. Not what happened or what might happen but what is happening now. The first step to getting out from under any pile is to know exactly what you are dealing with in the present.
Writing down your current reality removes the power of the past or what might come. Eliminating things outside the present lightens the pile substantially.
Don’t let your brain spin up and torture you. Anxiety is a terrible way to spend your limited energy and wastes precious time you don’t have.
“Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Jesus
Simplify Stupid
I always chuckle at the K.I.S.S. (keep it simple, stupid) principle as a little naïve. Tasks are easy to over complicate or over think. You can really look stupid when the simple way is obvious to a bystander.
Keeping it simple in the world of systems, strategies or describing the complex is a completely different story. The amount of effort to simplify is much higher than the complicated way.
Simplifying is a heroic effort with stacks of iterations and as it turns out, requires a high level of intelligence. Entrepreneurs appreciate what it takes to get there. They see the elegance and dollar signs like no other.
The next time someone has the curse of knowledge and you know you won’t understand half of what they are about to tell you, test their smarts by saying this:
“Before you begin…explain it to me like I’m a 4th grader.”
If they get frustrated, consider it a red flag.
Don’t let laziness, impatience or ignorance stand in the way of simplicity.
Advice on Advice
Giving advice obligates. It puts the receiver in a precarious spot. Do I take the advice? Do I blow it off? Do I debate the input?
The advice giver feels confident he’s helping. He’s “been there done that” and allegedly knows what he’s talking about.
Advice Starts with:
You should…
Why don’t you…
Have you ever thought about…
You need to…
Just…
A more generative approach is to hear them out, empathize, and tell a short parallel story. Your input is likely valuable to the situation but how you deliver it matters.
“In my experience…”
“One time I was in a similar situation and…”
Give space for them to arrive at their own answer instead of cornering them with your unsolicited input.
Por Supuesto
Saying “yes” to something is an easy thing to do. Besides, you want to be known as someone who cares, who’s capable, and who is there to serve. No one wants to let the team down or cause things to slow.
At first glance it’s a pretty low calorie commitment load but nested inside the decision is a failure. A failure to recognize the administrative tax. The 6 or 7 back and forth emails on the daily, the follow up, and the so called quick huddles. Your “yes” is much more involved than you thought.
The overhead cost can be high when we say yes. Sometimes it’s worth it and sometimes we regret our commitment. As a leader, make sure to insulate yourself from a “yes” that keeps you from your zone of brilliance.
You have a lane. Stay in it.
You’re Right!
You’ve studied the data, crunched the numbers, checked the budget and now it’s time to decide.
If you’re right you get the ROI you are looking for.
If you’re wrong it’s gonna cost you.
A month later you look back at the decision and it was “Right.” You pat yourself on the back, count your money, and are eager to do it again.
This time it’s a bigger play and you’re confident because it worked before. You reconfirm that nothing has changed and execute the proven plan.
A month later your gains dissolved and now you’re in the red. You do your after-action review and make a costly discovery…
You were “Right” for the wrong reasons.
Passive
Most passivity is a result of not thinking your voice can move the needle. What’s the point? Why bother? Mind your own business, live your life, and ignore the moral decline all around you. Let the fools be fools.
Is that the right thing to do? Finding the balance between a constant complainer and a change agent isn’t easy. Many remain silent because they don’t want to be “That Guy.”
“That Guy” Who
Is really into politics and constantly gripes
Is super religious and judges to no end
Is willing to argue with a fence post
Is obnoxious and offensive
Passivity might be worse than “That Guy.”
Being passive allows the immoral to accrue and become the norm. Find your voice and use it with Love. Be an example for “That Guy.” Show him there is a better way. The generation behind you has a front row seat wanting you to be the light in the darkness.
Relational Accounting
When you get sidewise with someone there is always an account created.
There are debits and credits. The majority are debits…debits based on assumption, assignment of intent, and quite a bit of speculation. As these entries accrue it puts the relationship in the red.
How does this happen?
Fear
Indifference
Spite
The loving thing to do is to check in.
Ex. The other day when you said ______ it kinda stung a little. Tell me more about what you meant by that.
Maybe you were the offender and your conscience starts knocking. Having the courage to circle back is a muscle worth building.
Ex. Yesterday, during the meeting, I made a snide remark aimed at you. Wanted to let you know it was wrong and I’m sorry.
Don’t let it fester. Rumination is a mindset that will ruin your chances of contentment. The longer you wait the worse it gets.
Keeping short accounts on both sides will make your life much better.
Getting Lucky 🍀
Creating something awesome requires more volume than you might think. The temptation is do it one time exactly right. Block off the day and get laser focused on making it as close to perfect as possible. Maybe you’ll get lucky and end up with something really awesome.
I heard about a research project with some art students. The three hour class was split in two.
Group 1 was told to each make the best clay pot possible
Group 2 was told to each make as many clay pots as they could
The first group focused all their time and attention on perfecting their pots. The 2nd group made tons of pots. Some were terrible, some were good, and luckily some were almost perfect. Through sheer volume Group 2 learned the most and had far superior pots.
The Lesson? Volume greatly increases the surface area for luck to land.